After digging to a depth of 100 metres last year,
Russian scientists found traces of copper wire
dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion
that their ancestors already had a telephone network
one thousand years ago.
So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed,
American scientists dug 200 metres and headlines
in the US papers read: "US scientists have found
traces of 2000 year old optical fibre, and have
concluded that their ancestors already had advanced
high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier
than the Russians."
One week later, Die Son (English: The Sun) reported
as follows:
"After digging as deep as 500 metres, Kimberley
scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have
concluded that, 5000 years ago, their ancestors
were already using wireless technology."
Joke of the Day
the difference between men and women
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He
asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A
few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves.
They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one
of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving
home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says
it aloud:
"Do you realize that, As of tonight, we've been seeing each other for
exactly six months?" And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine,
it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder
if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by
our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind
of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of
relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so
I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the
way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we
just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we
heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready
for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: So, that means it was...let's see... February
when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the
dealer's, which means...let me check the dometer... Whoa! I am way
overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe
I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our
relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed, even
before I sensed it, that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it.
That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's
afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I'm going to have them look at the
transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not
shifting right.
And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time.
What cold weather? It's 87 degrees and this thing is shifting like a
garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be
angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help
the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day
warranty...scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too
idealistic, waiting for a
knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next
to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly
do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who
is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them
a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...
"Roger," Elaine says aloud. "What?" says Roger, startled.
"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes
beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I
feel so...
(She breaks down, sobbing.) "What?" says Roger. "I'm such a fool,"Elaine
sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly.
There's no knight, and there's no horse."
"There's no horse?" says Roger.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.
"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
"It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Elaine says. There
is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come
up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks
might work. "Yes," he says. Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand. "Oh,
Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says. "What way?" says Roger.
"That way about time," says Elaine. "Oh," says Roger. "Yes." Elaine
turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him
to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if
it involves a horse. At last she speaks.
"Thank you, Roger," she says. "Thank you," says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted,
tortured soul, and weeps until dawn. When Roger gets back to his place,he
opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply
involved in a rerun of a tennismatch between two Czechoslovakians he
never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that
something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure
there is noway he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's
better if he doesn't think about it.
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of
them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In
painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and
everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every
word,expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every
possible ramification.
They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks,
maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting
bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual
friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and
say,"Norm, didElaine ever own a horse?"
And that's the difference between men and women.
asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A
few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves.
They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one
of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving
home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says
it aloud:
"Do you realize that, As of tonight, we've been seeing each other for
exactly six months?" And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine,
it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder
if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by
our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind
of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of
relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so
I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the
way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we
just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we
heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready
for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: So, that means it was...let's see... February
when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the
dealer's, which means...let me check the dometer... Whoa! I am way
overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe
I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our
relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed, even
before I sensed it, that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it.
That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's
afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I'm going to have them look at the
transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not
shifting right.
And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time.
What cold weather? It's 87 degrees and this thing is shifting like a
garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be
angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help
the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day
warranty...scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too
idealistic, waiting for a
knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next
to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly
do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who
is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them
a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...
"Roger," Elaine says aloud. "What?" says Roger, startled.
"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes
beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I
feel so...
(She breaks down, sobbing.) "What?" says Roger. "I'm such a fool,"Elaine
sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly.
There's no knight, and there's no horse."
"There's no horse?" says Roger.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.
"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
"It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Elaine says. There
is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come
up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks
might work. "Yes," he says. Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand. "Oh,
Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says. "What way?" says Roger.
"That way about time," says Elaine. "Oh," says Roger. "Yes." Elaine
turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him
to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if
it involves a horse. At last she speaks.
"Thank you, Roger," she says. "Thank you," says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted,
tortured soul, and weeps until dawn. When Roger gets back to his place,he
opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply
involved in a rerun of a tennismatch between two Czechoslovakians he
never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that
something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure
there is noway he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's
better if he doesn't think about it.
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of
them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In
painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and
everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every
word,expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every
possible ramification.
They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks,
maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting
bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual
friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and
say,"Norm, didElaine ever own a horse?"
And that's the difference between men and women.
Kobus Brümmer
__________________
"On résiste à l'invasion des armées; on ne résiste pas à l'invasion des idées" - Victor Hugo
__________________
"On résiste à l'invasion des armées; on ne résiste pas à l'invasion des idées" - Victor Hugo
A foreign nation correspondant for a major news outlet is covering a story in a middle-eastern nation, specifically the fact that all women are expected to walk 10 meters behind the man they are with. The story gets cut short however due to an incursion by NATO forces to overthrow the oppressive regime.
Once the major combat opperations have ceased, the reporter returns to finish her observations, only to find a completely different state if affairs. It seems the tables have turned, and now the women are expected to walk 10 meters infront of the men!
She stops a couple on the street and asks "So why the dractic change....was it because of the overthrow of the government?".....the man gives her a funny look and responds....."No....its because of landmines"
Once the major combat opperations have ceased, the reporter returns to finish her observations, only to find a completely different state if affairs. It seems the tables have turned, and now the women are expected to walk 10 meters infront of the men!
She stops a couple on the street and asks "So why the dractic change....was it because of the overthrow of the government?".....the man gives her a funny look and responds....."No....its because of landmines"
-
Sporatical_Distractions
- registered sacks offender
- Posts: 4529
- Joined: 12 Oct 2004 19:14
- Location: Guy's American Kitchen & Bar
-
Eskimo Joe
- Cold Blooded
- Posts: 512
- Joined: 17 Aug 2006 16:04
- Location: Iqaluit, Nunavut, Canada
what's the diference between a chicken?
Nick Landes
Proudly Representing Fourkast Footbag Co.
http://www.fourkast.com
Portland Blog
All the ladies love Matt Cross because Johnny Depp + Footbag = Matt Cross
Mastery is the combination of knowledge and practical experience
Proudly Representing Fourkast Footbag Co.
http://www.fourkast.com
Portland Blog
All the ladies love Matt Cross because Johnny Depp + Footbag = Matt Cross
Mastery is the combination of knowledge and practical experience
-
Pyroman924
- Atomsmashasaurus Dex
- Posts: 944
- Joined: 03 Nov 2006 12:26
- Location: Raleigh, NC
And what?sidekick wrote:what's the diference between a chicken?
... I think I know what's coming next!
Alan Underhill
http://www.myspace.com/pyroman924
"The more you drop, the better you get." -Ben Rinowski
http://www.myspace.com/pyroman924
"The more you drop, the better you get." -Ben Rinowski
-
slapdash21
- Futureless
- Posts: 4681
- Joined: 29 Sep 2004 14:50
- Location: Beantown, kidd
A joke that an old friend of mine invented:
Why don't lesbians like to eat muffins?
Because they like to eat their muffs OUT.
Why don't lesbians like to eat muffins?
Because they like to eat their muffs OUT.
Waylon Lew - maker of Wasabi bags
NYFA represent.
"Footbag can be pretty frustrating when it's supposed to be fun. I was partly driven by this forum - practice, practice, practice... As that is true, I think someone can be too focused on progressing and training that they miss the fun aspect of it." - Bander87
NYFA represent.
"Footbag can be pretty frustrating when it's supposed to be fun. I was partly driven by this forum - practice, practice, practice... As that is true, I think someone can be too focused on progressing and training that they miss the fun aspect of it." - Bander87