A woman is giving birth in a hospital with her husband by her side. The baby is delivered and the doctor looks at it for a moment then throws it to the nurse, who throws it to an aide who runs down the corridor then dives and slams it onto the ground. The three hospital workers cheer and jump up and down yelling "touch down." Seeing the couples expression the doctor comes over to them and says:
"What? It was dead anyway..."
Joke of the Day
-
SpaceMonkey
- Multidex Master
- Posts: 316
- Joined: 27 Jan 2004 18:10
- Location: Newburgh, IN
Jeremy that was wrong
There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long
business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he
thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while
he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her
screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys
and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex
doll, but that was too close to another man for him.
He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something
special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man
behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man
said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the
trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on,
but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for
weeks, except -- " and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the
'voodoo dick.'"
"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old
wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there
lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and
said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this
shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The
voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and
started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the
vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the
door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in
your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and
lay there, quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally
surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife,
told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had
to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip
satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny.
She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her,
but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and
said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch
and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever
experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had
enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing
worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off.
So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to
the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the
way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she
was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and
then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been
drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and
wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second,
and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"
There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long
business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he
thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while
he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her
screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys
and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex
doll, but that was too close to another man for him.
He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something
special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man
behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man
said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the
trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on,
but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for
weeks, except -- " and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the
'voodoo dick.'"
"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old
wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there
lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and
said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this
shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The
voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and
started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the
vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the
door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in
your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and
lay there, quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally
surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife,
told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had
to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip
satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny.
She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her,
but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and
said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch
and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever
experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had
enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing
worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off.
So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to
the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the
way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she
was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and
then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been
drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and
wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second,
and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"
Craig R. Mayer
Life Is Good, Footbag Is Better
Life Is Good, Footbag Is Better
lol i was like wtf is wrong with him. that joke is kinda like dead baby jokes. Those are some what amuzing at times. I really in joy race jokes. even if there about my race i really don't care it's all the same shit. Jokes are jokes you gotta love them all. 
Craig R. Mayer
Life Is Good, Footbag Is Better
Life Is Good, Footbag Is Better
oldLinksYs wrote:Jeremy that was wrong
There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long
business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he
thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while
he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her
screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys
and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex
doll, but that was too close to another man for him.
He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something
special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man
behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man
said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the
trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on,
but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for
weeks, except -- " and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the
'voodoo dick.'"
"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old
wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there
lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and
said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this
shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The
voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and
started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the
vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the
door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in
your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and
lay there, quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally
surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife,
told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had
to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip
satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny.
She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her,
but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and
said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch
and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever
experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had
enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing
worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off.
So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to
the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the
way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she
was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and
then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been
drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and
wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second,
and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"
Keep the dead babies comming Jeremy
bodybuilda
-
brian relly
- fan-tas-tic
- Posts: 2711
- Joined: 31 Aug 2003 10:03
- Location: 303
-
ShredStylez
- Republican
- Posts: 851
- Joined: 16 Feb 2003 19:37
- Location: Michigan
- Contact:
-
brian relly
- fan-tas-tic
- Posts: 2711
- Joined: 31 Aug 2003 10:03
- Location: 303
-
brian relly
- fan-tas-tic
- Posts: 2711
- Joined: 31 Aug 2003 10:03
- Location: 303
-
MegaFighter_X
- Post Master General
- Posts: 2334
- Joined: 27 Apr 2003 16:52
- Location: Las Vegas
- Contact:
old, but still gold.LinksYs wrote:Jeremy that was wrong
There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long
business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he
thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while
he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her
screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys
and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex
doll, but that was too close to another man for him.
He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something
special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man
behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man
said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the
trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on,
but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for
weeks, except -- " and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the
'voodoo dick.'"
"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old
wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there
lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and
said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this
shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The
voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and
started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the
vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the
door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in
your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and
lay there, quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally
surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife,
told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had
to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip
satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny.
She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her,
but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and
said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch
and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever
experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had
enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing
worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off.
So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to
the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the
way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she
was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and
then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been
drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and
wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second,
and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"
John D
Keep it comin Jeremy! That was the best joke I've read thus far
How do you fit 10 prostitutes in a bath tub?
A Blender
How do you get them out?
Nacho chips
===
Sorry ladies, but this one is a good one:
Why don't women know how to ski?
Because there is no snow between the kitchen and laundry room
How do you fit 10 prostitutes in a bath tub?
A Blender
How do you get them out?
Nacho chips
===
Sorry ladies, but this one is a good one:
Why don't women know how to ski?
Because there is no snow between the kitchen and laundry room
- Byrin Wylie
ShrEdmonton
ShrEdmonton
-
lightningbolt
- Nothing Vulgar
- Posts: 983
- Joined: 28 Jun 2004 12:55
- Location: Alaska
Okay here one:
This guy been drinking a lot at this bar thats on the roof. He saw this guy jump up and swoop around the building. The guy in awe went up to him and asked," how you do that" . "Simple." replied the man, "The wind current are really strong today. Go ahead and try it." So he did and he fell to his death. And the Bartender said," Damn, superman, your mean when your drunk"
This guy been drinking a lot at this bar thats on the roof. He saw this guy jump up and swoop around the building. The guy in awe went up to him and asked," how you do that" . "Simple." replied the man, "The wind current are really strong today. Go ahead and try it." So he did and he fell to his death. And the Bartender said," Damn, superman, your mean when your drunk"
I think I going to take over Canada. You should help.
Get Firefox!
Get Firefox!
THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD
Well, it's shit ... that's right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.
Consider:
You can get shit-faced, Be shit-out-of-luck, Or have shit for brains.
With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit, or be asked to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit,
and tell others to eat shit.
Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference
between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit,
horse shit, and chicken shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit,
or duck when the shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit,
and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.
And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!
You could pass this along, if you give a shit, or not do so if you don't give a shit!
Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head..........
Well, Shit Happens!!!
(This is for the ladies)
What do you call the useless skin around a penis?
A Man
Well, it's shit ... that's right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.
Consider:
You can get shit-faced, Be shit-out-of-luck, Or have shit for brains.
With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit, or be asked to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit,
and tell others to eat shit.
Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference
between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit,
horse shit, and chicken shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit,
or duck when the shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit,
and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.
And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!
You could pass this along, if you give a shit, or not do so if you don't give a shit!
Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head..........
Well, Shit Happens!!!
(This is for the ladies)
What do you call the useless skin around a penis?
A Man
Old Skool
-
SpaceMonkey
- Multidex Master
- Posts: 316
- Joined: 27 Jan 2004 18:10
- Location: Newburgh, IN
-
lightningbolt
- Nothing Vulgar
- Posts: 983
- Joined: 28 Jun 2004 12:55
- Location: Alaska
I know 90% of the people on this fourm are guys, but, sorry, I just had to:
Why are guys like parking spaces?
Because all the good ones are taken and the only ones left are handicap!
BURN!
Why are guys like parking spaces?
Because all the good ones are taken and the only ones left are handicap!
BURN!
I think I going to take over Canada. You should help.
Get Firefox!
Get Firefox!