some little kid puts the 'poo' in 'pool'

Tommy · Post by **Tommy** » 22 Nov 2004 12:10

who woulda thought this would make such interesting conversation......anyway, once when i was really little i was outside in the front yard barefoot, and for some reason i got up (i think someone was calling me) so i run over and the next thing i know i stepped in the biggest pile of dog shit youve ever seen...it was horrible, it was on my intire foot, and you know how you get grossed out when you step in dog shit with shoes on just imagine what its like to step in it barefoot...that was one of the sickest moments in my life.

LittleBoy footbag · Post by **LittleBoy footbag** » 22 Nov 2004 12:21

NOthing worse than dog crap. Anyways, when I was on vacation in the philippines this summer, my grandma had the housekeeper cook lady make some fried fish. Pretty good it was but I thought it was REALLY good. so I ate like three of those fishes. Let me put it this way.... i was pretty much the size of your hand and half of your forearm and as thick as two or three of your fingers.... anyways.... I took a nap right after that and I woke up later to watch the news.... when I stood up to get a drink. I farted.... naturally, since i had fish, I knew I would fart but what shocked me was not the fart but what came out. It's not the everyday gas kind but wet, chunky.... you guessed it.... everything got really warm all of a sudden and I rushed to the bathroom just in time to see all of my lunch and some breakfast go out of me... It felt good coming out as much as it did coming in. Anyways, I found out later that I had food poisoning. Now, I refuse to eat too much fish. Only maybe one and a half....

qphox · Post by **qphox** » 22 Nov 2004 12:42

I got so sick once...it was horrible. I shit you not, I lost 12 pounds in one day, putting me down to about 128 lbs.

I got food poisoning or something from this place, The Flamingo. See, I've eaten there before, because it was my Aunt's favorite restaurant, for whatever reason. I'd never been too satisfied with my time there...I got Fetuccine Alfredo once, and the sauce was like water, I got a steak rare, and it came out at LEAST Medium-Well, just never a good place.

So this time, I figure I'll be safe and order a Caesar Salad. It was actually pretty good, so I was like, "Hoorah, something that doesn't suck."

So that night, I get up at about 3am, and think, "Damn I'm going to throw up." I got the bathroom and did. Salad has got to be THE worst thing you can ever throw up...it's all little chewed up bits of leaves and they get caught in your teeth and ugh...just terrible.

AND, keep in mind it was a large salad. A lot came out.

So then I felt great, as you sometimes do after throwing up. My body was like, "Yay, I got rid of it!" So, after a thorough tooth-brushing, I went back to bed.

Then I got up at about 5am, and feel like I'm going to throw up again. Only this time, there's nothing inside me. It's a bad feeling when your body can't find something to get rid of.

Once that was over, I went back to bed again, thinking, "Well, no school for me tomorrow..."

So then I get up at about 6:30am, and head for the washroom, feeling really queasy. I didn't actually throw up, I had just had this constant stomach instability. Needless to say, no school for me.

I spent that entire day in the washroom, or ready to run to it. Stuff was coming out of all orifices, seriously. My nose was running at full-on, I was sweating a bunch, I threw up a whopping 9 times that day, and I spent at least 2 or 3 full hours sitting on the toilet. It was in fact, the most awful sickness I have ever experienced.

jon · Post by **jon** » 22 Nov 2004 13:01

I dont have any great stories to add but here is one from the summer (but I did puke this weekend after a keg stand

but then right after felt like a champ and drank some more and ended the evening by being pull over by the cops as we took our buddy home in a shopping cart)

anyways in the summer its was around 3:30 or so and me and my buddy decided we were bored and that we should do something about it. I had half a bottle of vodka left and we decided to repeat someone thing we did in first year. Going from sober to drunk in 10 minutes. So six minutes pass and 12 oz of vodka are gone

. So we were feeling pretty good and some peps called up and asked if we wanted to go downtown for food. So they pick us up and downtown we go. We get to this hippy restaurant and I decide to order a bottle of wine

mmm my fav too and split it with one of the girls that came with us. After the food back to her place to drink some more, shot shot shot I forget what we drank really. So the night comes to a close and I have work the next day so I head home. Now I have this rule of thumb about drinking lots of non alcoholic liquids before i go to bed after drinking so I decide tonight I will drink lots of milk

so I finish like half a litre and pass out. 2 am comes I wake up and drink more milk, 4 am I wake and drink some more, 5 am comes I wake up again but this time I decide its all about the gatorade. Now my apartement is really dark so I just reach for the jug where I keep my gaterade supply and start chugging. I pass out again. I didnt discover till the following evening that that jug was full FULL of MOLD ! yarg! So at around 7 I wake up with a not so good feeling vodka + wine + random shots + milk + gaterade + mold = bad times. I run to the bathroom and start puking. After throwing about 5 times and feeling sick every time I move I decide to bring all my sheets and pillow into the bathroom and sleep on the floor next to the toilet. I pass out eventually and randomly wake up and puke every 15 minutes or so till around 2 in the after noon

then I decide to smoke and everything became much better after that. The shittiest part was missing the days pay

Seath · Post by **Seath** » 22 Nov 2004 13:08

but it was a good salad right?

qphox · Post by **qphox** » 22 Nov 2004 13:35

Oh yeah.

But not quite good enough to trade for 12 pounds.

Spadrick · Post by **Spadrick** » 23 Nov 2004 04:04

A quick story...

I worked at Taco Bell for a few months. What made me decide to leave the job (other then the voluntary slave labor and unfair wages) was a visit from a posse of drunk girls. I was at the counter, taking their order from the DD in the group and the rest of them were behind her laughing and playing or whatever. One girl steps up to the counter when called by her friend to order what she wanted. She stood there looking at the menu when all of the sudden she sinks down below the counter line and all of her friends start screaming. I was very concerned and asked what had happened. The sober girl said to me that I had better get a mop... ew x 10. I prominently quit my position as Taco Slave.

ted · Post by **ted** » 23 Nov 2004 09:25

I had a wet dream last night.

slapdash21 · Post by **slapdash21** » 23 Nov 2004 09:38

its pretty fuckin ironic....im actually sick right now. it all started yesterday at school...people were selling 'krispy kreme donuts' as a fundraiser, and so i decided to get a couple. they were so good that i had 3. i started feeling shittier and shittier throughout the day. when i got home i just went to bed right away. i woke up like 2 hours later, my stomach feeling HORRIBLE. so i decided that if i didnt puke on my own, i would make myself puke. so i was sitting on the floor next to the toilet, using a spoon to make myself puke. it wouldnt seem to work, even though i felt like i should be puking everywhere. finally i gave up and decided to take my temperature. as soon as i turned to get the thermometer, my mouth was forced open, my jaw cracked, and about a fuckin gallon of puke came out. i got most of it in the toilet. i puked about a total of ten times yesterday, and if i wasnt puking, i was sleeping. i just got out of bed about half an hour ago...so i was in bed for about 20 hours. i feel somewhat better now...
i am never gonna eat fuckin krispy kremes again, man

sniikeri · Post by **sniikeri** » 23 Nov 2004 10:02

Lucky me, I haven't puked a single time in...let's say..about 5 years or so. I just decided not to do it cause it's a very uncomfortable feeling.

slapdash21 · Post by **slapdash21** » 23 Nov 2004 10:22

yeah, it does kinda burn and stuff, but if your stomach is wicked fucked up, you usually feel better after puking. you feel all...cleansed and stuff

slapdash21 · Post by **slapdash21** » 18 Jan 2005 13:16

somewhat related story, but mostly just to show how horrible my luck is, and how random shit happens to me.

im on the way to school this morning at 6:00 in the morning, and its like 3 degrees outside, so i have on hat, gloves, etc. im standing in the train station, indoors, waiting for my train to arrive, reading the newspaper when i feel something hit the top of my hat. yes, its bird shit. the one pidgeon in the train station happened to be directly above my head, and i didnt notice. of course i couldnt wear my hat in that condition. by the time i got to school, my ears were nearly frostbitten. pretty shitty day at school too. i cheated on a spanish test last week, got it back today, and i got a 48. and then, when i got home, i accidently dropped my glove in the toilet. yup. good day!

LittleBoy footbag · Post by **LittleBoy footbag** » 18 Jan 2005 13:22

sorry to hear that. dude. That's nothing though comapred to my ski story not related to poo. I hit a pole face on....try that for a good day, eh?

HG · Post by HG » 18 Jan 2005 14:28

Heres one from last summer.

I just ate at a friends house, we had like, fajitas or something. Anything greasy just goes right through me. So im biking home, and i feel shit starting to churn inside of me. I bike my legs off to get home, and i open the front door as quick as possible. I run past everything, slam into the bathroom door, and run in. As i pull down my pants i just let loose. It felt so great! So i finish up and go to wash my hands. After i am done i turn around to go out the door, and i realize..... I completely missed the toilet! I pulled down too early and just started shooting shit everywhere. After about a second or 2 of missing i sat down. I didnt notice til i looked.

Needless to say i had to clean it all up. Delectable

Chris Hanratty · Post by **Chris Hanratty** » 18 Jan 2005 14:31

Hahaha, that made me laugh out loud so hard Henry, I've been laughing for the past 5 minutes over it! Thank you, I needed that, lol.

MegaFighter_X · Post by **MegaFighter_X** » 19 Jan 2005 00:24

B_Man wrote:So, with only my breifs on, I trudge my way upstairs, grab the dust pan, go back downstairs, and scoop it up. It was enough to fill half of the pan. I walked to the bathroom, past my mom who was getting ready to work, and slopped it into the toilet while saying "One of the dog's just took a shit in the basement." in a grumpy rage. Then I went back downstairs to put some clothes on.

The way you said that was pricelessly funny...

Chris Hanratty · Post by **Chris Hanratty** » 19 Jan 2005 07:00

Tommy wrote:who woulda thought this would make such interesting conversation......anyway, once when i was really little i was outside in the front yard barefoot, and for some reason i got up (i think someone was calling me) so i run over and the next thing i know i stepped in the biggest pile of dog shit youve ever seen...it was horrible, it was on my intire foot, and you know how you get grossed out when you step in dog shit with shoes on just imagine what its like to step in it barefoot...that was one of the sickest moments in my life.

I've had a similar experience. One time I was at a friends house, who has a massive black labrador dog. These things are absolutely huge, so you can imagine how huge of shits it must take. So we're out on his back step smoking up, and I temporarily lost my balance while toking because I was scratching the inside of my right leg with my left leg. I stumble back and step in the biggest pile of dog dung that you've ever seen, in my socked feet. I was pretty pissed, and my friend got a good laugh. So we finished smoking and I washed my feet and he gave me a new pair of socks.

Commodore · Post by **Commodore** » 19 Jan 2005 07:31

How can people write so long stories about shit?

My cat likes to shit under the shower. I've had to clean it up two times.

LittleBoy footbag · Post by **LittleBoy footbag** » 19 Jan 2005 12:44

ever had dirrahea in a car while you're a couple more minutes away from your destination?

yeah i thought so

KronoKicker · Post by **KronoKicker** » 19 Jan 2005 15:27

i must say that this is the funniest thread ever!!!

the best were definitely pissing on the sister, and missing the toilet (that was awesome henry)