this is interesting

slapdash21 · Post by **slapdash21** » 04 Mar 2005 14:28

Now You Have to Listen to What I Say

Allow me to begin by saying this work, I know not how to label or classify it, is intended to be interesting and even interesting in points, not disturbing or depressing.
Also allow me to say that I would never commit suicide. There is no reason valid enough to actually go through with it. If everyone is so afraid of death, how can anyone commit suicide? Even if a person isn’t afraid of death, perhaps he/she should be. I mean, when you die, you’re dead! It’s the biggest change you’ll ever experience in your existence. Dying is more stressful than moving, changing schools, having a family member die, or getting married. So, suicide isn’t an option, at least for myself. But, since I know I would never go through with it, I can ponder what it would be like if I ever did. Such as, for what reasons would I do it? Well, there are a few reasons that spring to my mind.
One such reason is that it just seems like life is too long, as ridiculous of a reason as that seems. You realize, “Jeeeezus, I’m gonna live through probably thousands of weeks!” Of course, when you think of it that way, life seems much shorter, in a way. Considering, however, the many things you will do and the many events that will take place in your life before you die, it can feel like a lot to face. Before I die, I will probably break several bones, I will probably be mugged, it’s possible that I will be shot or stabbed, I am sure to have to move several times, I will be betrayed by friends and loved ones, I will be in thousands of arguments, I will be in car accidents, I will probably undergo surgery, cough my way through several examinations of my colon, and who knows what else. Ponder all of that and suddenly it seems that life involves a whole lot of stuff that is going to be really hard to face, especially when all considered at once. This stretch of uncertainty is less severe for older people, because they have already faced most of what I still have before me. I have my entire complicated life stretching before me, and the length of time alone is extreme, assuming I don’t die a tragic, untimely death, and no one thinks that THEY will be someone who will die in that way. It is always the OTHER person that this happens to, not you personally. You read about these people in the newspaper, it doesn’t happen in your home, to you or to your family. Everyone gets caught up in the day-to-day monotony of life (to the point where you begin to feel that nothing major will ever happen in your life; that’s why it’s always such a surprise when something finally DOES happen), and I get bored of it. Especially when I realize not only have I been doing the same general things everyday for as long as I can recall, but I will probably continue to be doing these same things until the day that I die. Obviously I don’t do exactly the same things everday, but it tends to all feel like the same cesspool of monotony. There are few real new experiences.
Another reason I would commit suicide would be that I am afraid of becoming an adult, or even just afraid of major change in general. Changes such as getting a responsible job, doing it everyday, voting, paying the bills, and taking initiative. There is a lot of pressure. I am so afraid of all these things…I am afraid of leaving high school, I am afraid of getting a real job, I am afraid of going out on my own (this is the reason there are so many 30 year-olds living in their parents’ basements), I don’t want to work everyday for the rest of my life, I’m afraid of getting married, I’m afraid that I wont be able to support a family, and I am DEATHLY afraid of having children. There is much to fear on the topic of children, especially in the having and raising of children, such as the challenge of raising them “properly,” facing the unintelligent questions that they will ask you as toddlers (that cause you to wonder if perhaps they are slightly retarded), the awkward questions they will ask during puberty, the first time you catch your son masturbating (and you are forced to ask him if he fully understands it), the first time your son or daughter screeches “I HATE YOU, DAD!!!”, the horrible parent/teacher conferences with teachers (who are convinced that your child is more than slightly retarded; he has done nothing but sleep in class for two terms straight, after all), the thought that you will be working everyday to support your family, and your son or daughter will probably still be stealing money out of your wallet to buy pot. And he wonders why I can’t pay for him to attend Harvard U. (for at least two months…he is sure to drop out anyway). What I imply by this section is my main fear regarding children is that they will be at all similar to myself. I don’t see how it would be at all avoidable; my parents thought they did a good job and it cannot be argued that they weren’t trying, but look how I turned out? The best parents cannot avoid their children making a lot of major mistakes growing up and that is another difficult thing to face. I am afraid of being a parent because I think of my parents as failures, but I cannot conceive of what I can do differently so my children will grow up to be clean, respectful, intelligent, and useful to society.
The main reason that suicide is conceivable, however, is because it provides an opportunity for one of the very few times that people will really listen to what you have to say. When you commit suicide and leave a note, you know people will read it, and reread it. It is your last commentary on life and why you chose to end your own. To the people who loved you, it is the most important thing you leave behind, as it was the last, and often the most revealing. It affords the opportunity to say anything that you have always wanted to, with a guarantee that your voice WILL be heard. As a favorite movie of mine is quoted: “People don’t actually listen to you when you, they are only waiting for their turn to speak.” That is why I write this. There are very few times when people will actually listen to you, and leaving a note after committing suicide is one of them. So, this is actually what I would leave as a note, if suicide ever was an option for me. If I left it, I know people would read it. I can write whatever the hell I want to, and for the first time, know that people will listen to me. Everyone wants attention.
And now, I conclude. I think writing this has caused me to understand myself better and if I ever did commit suicide, I would leave this as a note and expect it to be read. I have not committed suicide and am writing this purely out of literary interest, almost to the point of satire. If you are reading these words, I guess I wrote effectively and interestingly enough to keep your attention, which is good. However, if you are not reading these words, did not bother to read this far because it is too long, or simply just lost interest, you have proven my point for me. I write this, having not committed suicide and no one cares, but, had I actually committed suicide (again…not going to happen), I would hope that people would actually read the whole thing. I can’t expect too much, since this is a shallow world we swim in, but I think I could expect at least that courtesy. So, if suicide does ever become an option, this note shall be all that is left of me.

LittleBoy footbag · Post by **LittleBoy footbag** » 04 Mar 2005 14:56

so.........you're NOT passed yet right? There's shitloads to live for man!

lightningbolt · Post by **lightningbolt** » 04 Mar 2005 15:05

suicide is the most fucking selfish thing one can do.

slapdash21 · Post by **slapdash21** » 04 Mar 2005 15:20

really, like i said about 20 times in it, im not actually considering suicide.

HG · Post by HG » 04 Mar 2005 15:26

i dont think you wrote this. It is all capatalized and punctuated. Not like you write.

Interesting nonetheless

slapdash21 · Post by **slapdash21** » 04 Mar 2005 15:31

haha, thanks hen, i appreciate that. actually, its all capitalized and punctuated because i handed it in as extra credit for english, believe it or not. of course, if i didnt have the english teacher i do, i would probably get recommended for counseling (again, but thats another story) because of the controversial content of it), but fortunatly this guy knows me really well, and will read it as its supposed to be read.
i CAN actually punctuate and capitalize...i just dont usually bother (as apparently everyone has noticed) because i can type a lot faster this way, but for official school projects, of course i use proper grammer and punctuation and everything.
but honestly, its ok if you dont believe i wrote it...i will take that as a compliment and not bother trying to convince anyone otherwise

HG · Post by HG » 04 Mar 2005 15:33

aight P diddy

lightningbolt · Post by **lightningbolt** » 04 Mar 2005 16:14

I know, I was just stateing a point.

It was interseting. Made me think.

junkyardjew · Post by **junkyardjew** » 04 Mar 2005 17:25

That was cool, but I think you'd be surprised how many reasons there are to end your life. I full support the right to assisted suicide, and I know a sizable population agree with me. Life is a wonderful thing, but it's also a choice, and not one that everyone can make.

slapdash21 · Post by **slapdash21** » 04 Mar 2005 17:36

yeah...i wrote most of this like...a year ago. i rewrote it today to hand in monday in english. yeah, there are a lot more reasons to kill yourself, but those are some of my personal opinions. im sure i could think of others....