CIC ROAD TRIP: A TALE ABOUT WEST VIRGINIA
Reile called me at about 9 or 9:30 at night to tell me that he and his girlfriend were near my place. They picked me up, we loaded all my stuff into the car and went to Tom's house. After we picked him up we went to a grocery store to purchase some road munchies. We were wandering the aisles and happened upon a bottle of Clam Juice
("What the fuck is juice?") . It was about 10 oz. of pure bottled nasty. It looked like cloudy lemon juice with thick white chunks in the bottom. The ingredients read; Salt, water, clam. At first we were all wondering who the fuck would buy such a thing and what in the hell it would be used for. We laughed about it for a while and decided it was not worth it and continued our shopping. There was some serious body odor wafting around the store. We could not tell if it came from one source or if it eminated from multiple parties. It was quite potent. I'm not sure if it was the BO that inspired one of us to to eventually buy the clam juice to spike somebody's drink at the players party, all I remember was exchanging devilish smiles with Reile then the two of us making a mad dash to find the Clam Juice. We left the store, breathing in the fresh night air, eager to get on the road and leave the bad smells behind us. No such luck. Indiana was one the first states we passed though
We could smell something foul even when our windows were rolled up. We might have made one rest/gas stop while driving through. Tom and I threw around my Flashflight light-up throwing disc for a few minutes. One of Tom's throws flew wildly high and to my left, over our car and and directly towards a van feuling up next to us. I saw it fly just over the pump and was expecting it to hit the van, but it never happend. That damn thing landed right on top of the pump. Tom frantically climbed to the top with Reile's help, retrieved the frisbee then we quicky got the fuck out of there. As we drove further into Indiana a thick fog settled in. At certain points we coud only see 20-30 feet in front of us, forcing us to reduce our speed from 90 mph to 80 mph. The view out the side windows was a little eerie. It was dark grey all around and every now and then dull outlines of trees would drift past us in the distance. I fell asleep and woke up just in time to miss the thrusting into Ohio...
I can't remember exactly if I was sleeping or just spacing out and staring into the fog when Tom -driving- and Reile -riding shotgun- both gave a mighty grunt and shoved their crotches forward. They had just thrust into Ohio. It was funny but I would have
liked to have been an accomplice in the forceful penetration of the state
We drove on into the night and well into the morning. The fog was still hanging around but not as thick as it was before. As it got a little brighter we saw some lights from a small town in the distance floating in the low clouds. It looked like Cloud City from Star Wars. There was some fog that was too shy and dared not to venture into the highway and seemed content to stay in the little valleys adjacent to the road. It got a little strange later in the morning. Reile and I were half asleep in the back seats but still trying to make conversation. I was commenting on a geographical observation but somewhere inbetween me thinking it and me saying it some words got crossed up, "I was looking at a map and I noticed that Davenport is dibble-" I silenced myself. Reile immediately breaks the silence starts laughing uncontrolably. I think I was trying to say 'in the middle' but my brain decided to combine words to conserve energy reserves. Well, whatever energy was saved was soon wasted by laughing at my verbal mishap and finding more words to dibble for about 15 minutes straight. I must have been spacing out again when the other three saw Dom Delouise
wearing a car. I'd comment more but I never saw it. We continued driving.
According to the map WV was just across the river. We were approaching a bridge so we steeled ourselves to enter properly. I unbuckled my seatbelt and made sure I had secure footing. I placed my hands next to my hips on the seat so that I could get maximum lift from my pelvis. I was so focused on my form that I didn't even look up to see where the border was, I was relying on Tom to tell me when to go. He gave the signal and we all gave a battle cry -- I raised my hips as high as I could getting it almost level with the drivers head rest. I even lifted my heels off the bottom so I was on my toes and rocked back and forth to give several mini thrusts as we forced ourselves into the unsuspecting state. We arrived in Parkersburg but missed the hotel. I called John and he gave us directions to his place. It was on top of a hill overlooking the town. The view might have been better if not for the large fallen tree trunk shaped like an enormous... femur. Someone else mentioned that it looked like a penis. I decided at that point not to take photos of it. We met John at his porch, his eyes squinting in the morning sun and he greated us with a big smile on his face. Was it because he was happy to see us or happy that we woke him up on time?
He explained that he had to get ready for his job so he had to shower quickly then leave. At this point Tom had stealthily slipped away from the group just as I had the same idea. He still beat me to the in-ground trampoline. We jumped and flopped around on it for a few minutes. I was a little dissapointed at its lack of spring but it was still alot of fun. There was a black knotted rope above the tramp attatched to a nearby tree by a grapple... an actual GRAPPLE! You don't see much of those in Chicago. Tom and I stood in awe and marveled at it's ninja-esque magical properties. John emerged from his house and gave us the directions to the hotel then left for work. We got into the car found the our lodging but decided to get some breakfast before we checked in.
We checked into the host hotel after getting a quick bite to eat at a fast food place nearby. We brought our bags inside and entered an elevator, and to our surprise, found a Dark Lord of the Sith! Although we were not able to see him, we all knew it was Darth Vader. His presence was undeniable as the eerie sound of his telltale hiss-like breathing filled the cramped confines of the elevator and used his dark powers to levitate it and its passengers (and very likely a hidden garrison of Storm Troppers) between floors. I came to the assumption that Lord Vader hid out at the Wingate Inn before his final ambush at Cloud City where he will eventually capture Han. I kept this to myself as I knew Tom hated spoilers with a passion. If told, he would unleash upon me a fury and vengance that even the Sith lord could not rival. Regardless, it was a memorable ride to the third floor. Our room was quite nice, there was an unmistakable but pleasant smell of NEW eminating from everything inside which lingered on even after Reile had blasted a most potent dookie into the toilet soon after we got settled in. I did my ritual room check in nonsense, almost killing myself but setting the mood for the pool activities to come. Since it was only 10 or 11 am we decided to take a nap before the 2pm jam at John's clinic. I believe, as usual, I was the last to sleep and first to get up. By 1:30 everyone else was awake. I called mr. Mahood again and he said that 2 guys from Tennessee and Jim Penske were already there! We rushed to gather what we needed, took
some pics then got into the car to drive to the spot. It was a very short drive considering we just crossed about 2 states. It really felt like we were just in the car for a minute. One more
photo before we enter. Reile in an insatiable thrusting machine.
The
clinic was a great shred spot with carpeted floors, a water fountain and a washroom. John greated us again and we met Dustin and Andy who looked like they were already shredding pretty hard. In fact they were nonstop freestyle pretty much the whole time we were there. I jumped into the circle right away as Tom and Reile warmed up. Jim was around somewhere getting in the zone. He eventually got in a circle with Reile and John and immediatley started tearing the proverbial 'it' up. My feeble minds capacity for understanding freestyle is quite limited and was in no way prepared to handle the freestyle maelstrom that is Jim Penske. Sensory overload to say the least. He eventually made his way to the circle I was in, kicking with Tom and the "Tennessee guys" as I had often heard them called throughout the weekend. It really pumped up Tom as the first thing he hit after Jim's turn was Flurry to nice little string. It wasn't long after that I decided to spare everyone my pathetic attempts at shredding and do something more productive. With camera in hand I captured many moments of greatness. Ultimate expressions of athleticism and mastery over the body, forever immortalized in a dark, fuzzy blur of archaic digital technology. These images... my images, will echo in time, along with the words, "What are you, a retard?"
still to come:
koosh shred, chainmail shred
hacking, net,
spiking
cleanup at hotel
hot tub
pool
backflips
chair, swim under, flips
hot tub
pool
rain
party
eat
Paul Mestas calls, wants to talk to Jim
drums
Dave Chapelle
footbag vid
porch
clam juice
penske
smell
taste
Bong hood, tyler
bottle tyler
Penske chair shred/horse
Hood passed out, shorts half off
Ali-G
sole pass, Toms catch
Chilling w/ Brad
Back to hotel
poop in pool
autopsy
sleep
checkout
tennis courts
4 square
buy bags
Jim's head in my cooler
buy shirt/sign shirt
pool
Hood = worst dive ever
more flips
catapult
trials off diving board
pizza
ride home
pics of contagious church
thrust into Ohio
deer
pizza returns with a vengance
Josh
rest stop frisbee
great road trip games
praying mantis
frisbee hits car
thrust into indiana really hard
ice cream machine
John Candy at toll booth
you're nothing
retro thrusting into Illinois
See ya in a month!
