If you have a girlfriend, is flirting w/ someone else wrong?

[SandWraith]

This quote comes from the "Girl Trouble" thread:

No offence, but when I'm with a girl, I am straight only hers. No flirting or any of that bs. I think any kind of contact with a girl like that is morally wrong and almost cheating on her.

I agree with this completely. However, it would appear there are differing opinions on the matter. What do you believe? Why? I'll add my opinion in depth at a later time, once there are some other responses.

(I would put a poll, but it won't let me.)

[slapdash21]

this is a no-brainer. i cant believe other guys dont agree.

[Samurai]

i used to like to flirt with other girls - but i guess i had never found a girl that made me truly happy - because now im totally faithful, in mind and body - dont even have to try - she is all that occupies my thoughts. sooo... hopefully u'll all get lucky (haha no pun intended)

[brian relly]

You guys, there are different degrees of flirting--it's not a black & white matter. I flirt innocently with pretty much every girl I know--give them a hug, talk to them nicely and stuff like that. That is just common courtesy to me, but could be considered flirting by some.
Hardcore flirting should really not be tolerated if she is taken--no excessive touching, getting too close, inviting her places alone, etc. But like, hugs and sweet little talks/conversations I don't think would really matter.
You have issues if you have problems with your girl being friendly with other guys.

[Bander87]

I certinally do not find find hugging and the sort flirting. To me, hugging is equivelent as a 'pat on the back' to a male but to a female. In my present state of thought I do not believe that there is "hardcore flirting". I think hardcore flirting would be considered more of hitting on the lady. I do however think there is flirting in quantities, rather than quality.

I think minimal flirting to a lady who already has a boyfriend is alright, as long as the both of you are on common ground. Anything more than that is somewhat considered disrespectful in a way. The lady already has a bf and you should respect that relationship. Kissing on the cheek on the other hand I find alright as long as she is okay with it too. These kisses are careing and in no way sexual or romantic.

[smpdustin15]

if your girl is talking to some guy thats nothing .
now is shes makeing out with him yeah kick her in the ass.
but hell if shes off playing with some guy then dont worry its all about trust.
if you believe that she wont like do anything that would make you think less of her then it should be ok theres a differnce like they say about flirting and massive flirtyness. she should be able to have male friends and harmless flirting should be ok. otherwise your just jealous and want to lock your woman up and let no one near her and thats crazy.

[SandWraith]

It sounds like most of you think being friends with a girl is the same as flirting with her. For me at least, my girl friends are people that I treat just like guys. We hang out, shoot the breeze, etc. It's not about romantic innuendo or flirting-- it's just friendship.

Anyone care to provide a counterexample?

[Jeremy]

"right" and "wrong" are so subjective.

If I'm with a girl and I think about picking up with other girls - that's a sign that the relationship with the girl I'm with isn't going to last anyway. If I don't have the desire to pickup other girls then maybe it will. I think you should be honest and respectful to everybody - including the girls you are dating, but I don't think that stops you from picking up other girls at the same time - so long as your current partner knows how you feel. I mean there are different kinds of relationships - some relationships are just for fun, and aren't going to last long and you know it. Other relationships will last your entire life. I guess use your brain and do what you feel comfortable with.

[Jackbag]

This may not be a necessary post, but I think it’s important to make this distinction:
Flirting for Fun vs. Flirting with Intent

You guys, there are different degrees of flirting--it's not a black & white matter.

Fun, flirty glances and banter can be harmless to a relationship and at the same time make those in the exchange feel good about themselves. Simply being flirtatious does not constitute a brand of slut or pimp or player (btw notice how the male labels are “positive” compared with the female labels).

I think the question should be, is it ok to flirt with the intentions of having something more with this hypothetical person in a relationship? Is it ok to tease a person who is in a committed relationship with your attentions? How would you feel if a relationship broke up because of you?

Here is what I think, though this question may not have been directed to the women of this forum. Flirting for fun is great. In fact, I love it when my best friend flirts with Jeremy. It’s adorable!

I don't do it in FRONT of the guy.

I trust both my friend and Jeremy, and the flirting is done in front of me, so it is clearly not a form of psychological cheating. I have been known to have a mean jealous streak when some giggly girl decides to flash extra smiles his way, and have repeatedly expressed my desire to bodily harm anyone trying to steal him away (you know who you are Ted).

*A

[Bander87]

Ah yes, intent. This was kinda better than what I was trying to say.

[mc]

I might hug a girl or kiss her on the cheek, even in front of my girlfriend, but then again, I've never had a real serious long term girlfriend, so I might not be the one to give advice

[dragonhack]

You guys, there are different degrees of flirting--it's not a black & white matter. I flirt innocently with pretty much every girl I know--give them a hug, talk to them nicely and stuff like that. That is just common courtesy to me, but could be considered flirting by some.
Hardcore flirting should really not be tolerated if she is taken--no excessive touching, getting too close, inviting her places alone, etc. But like, hugs and sweet little talks/conversations I don't think would really matter.
You have issues if you have problems with your girl being friendly with other guys.

BAM!

[Slowsis]

Whoa! 50-50 split!

I say flirt all you want.....but don't get caught, or follow through on your flirtations. Just flirt with girls you don't know at parties and bars. I do it to stay sharp.....cuz when your relationship is done you don't want your mack to be rusty!

[Blackend]

No offence, but when I'm with a girl, I am straight only hers. No flirting or any of that bs. I think any kind of contact with a girl like that is morally wrong and almost cheating on her.

So, you're saying any kind of contact with a girl is wrong? So what do you want, to put yourself in a bubble to keep girls away from you in case your girlfriend gets mad?

I myself am happily single and have been for the better part for a year and a half, but I don't think that giving one of your lady friends [not that "special lady friend" mind you] a hug or anything to the such is considered as "flirting." Now, when you try to lay your mack down on her and are outright hitting on her, then it's going a bit too far. One thing that you have to realize is that we live and act differently now than people did, say, 20 years ago or when our parents were our age. Flirting seems to be a common thing among young ladies these days, and like Stephen said, it's not a black and white area. There's my two cents.

[Seath]

hehe flirt, should we argue the definition of the word or the boundaries that are socially acceptable to cross while in a meaningful relationship with someone? And for that matter maybe we should debate over what a meaningful relationship can be defined as.

I fucking hate the words right and wrong. I have no desire to sleep with any girl other than my girlfriend and I have no desire to pretend I may be able to, or do anything that would help me learn how good my chances are with some girl. So I don't "flirt" with girls. Like Jeremy said right and wrong are so subjective. I wish we were fully telepathic beings that didn't have to rely on words to express our most emotional situations. It seems rediculous to think that a grouping of symbols can represent something as complex as human emotion.

[Pengu]

If I were in a relationship, I'd tell the guy to flirt like crazy if I'm not there, then come back and do me. I don't feel checking someone out is a crime or should constitute as cheating. It's inevitable that people will fantasize about other people, but it doesn't mean they'll cheat on you. There should be a level of trust in the relationship.

In my presence though, don't flirt. I'll get jealous.

I would apply the same rule vice versa. I'm a huge flirt, but I'm also a one man kinda gal.

[habitat]

If your serious with a girl, you won't flirt. If you are and you still flirt anyways, your lame and will eventually be alone because you aren't serious. You will probably never have a serious relationship, and I feel sorry for you. Except if you build a relationship on flirting, be my guest on that one.

I think of flirting as this. GUYS KNOW EXACTLY WHAT FLIRTING IS! You can't admit you were, but beneath the surface when you give that "meaningless" hug to another girl while in a relationship, your trying (and succeeding) in relaying a message of "likeness" not falling under a serious relationship standard, AKA, flirting with another girl. Read above for results.

Come on guys, don't lie anymore, I'm a guy and you know sometimes when you give girls hugs and make jokes with them you might actually like them and are showing it. Don't do this to someone else who might actually care about you. I feel sorry for people who are with flirty people. I understand the whole getting jealous being friendly with op sex, but sometimes being "friendly" means something more. You and your partner can recognize this.


In conclusion, don't flirt with others IF you are in a serious relationship. If you aren't, be upfront with them and don't lead them on. Nothing is worse than a person that has hurt feelings, it could prove even dangerous to others and themselves. Let's keep it real people, no more lies.

[habitat]

sorry for double post, no edit


I was in a relationship with a girl and she gave hugs and did the whole "meaningless" friendly type stuff you all talk of here to a guy she met in our golf class. I didn't think anything of it because I had "trust". She doesn't have any intentions so I'm not going to play the jealous boyfriend, I was right? Right guys?


Turns out she was fucking him for the last month of our relationship. She lied when I approached her about the flirting and she lied when I asked if they got together. And it all started from that first "meaningless" hug. Call me bias on this one, but it happens all the time and it's just not cool.

So flirting IS WRONG, it's not cheating, but it sometimes is the pre-requisite to it. The End

[Pengu]

Why can't you flirt with no intent? I do. I would never cheat if I were in a serious relationship. I also reel the flirting way back, but I can't cut it out completely. It's part of who I am. I feel like I'm a naturally flirtatious person. I can't really shake it and I don't actually notice until someone calls me on it. What I consider friendly conversation and interaction somehow comes off as flirtatious. I'm sorry that your ex cheated on you though.

I try to think that a boyfriend and I will have enough mutual respect for each other to know better than to cheat. So I don't feel flirting is harmful as long as there is an understanding of what constitutes crossing the line when it comes to flirting.

Using your argument, you could also constitute checking out an attractive person on the street as cheating. Watching porn as cheating. Having any kind of sexual thought that isn't about your partner as cheating. People are bound to look. People are bound to want to speak to people they are attracted to. There's just a line that can't be crossed I feel, in a respectful, serious relationship. I want to trust my partner enough to know he won't cheat on me.

I guess this is all just idealisms. Maybe that's why I'm still single. haha.

[sniikeri]

Scientifically speaking (:lol:), I think it's built-in to the human that we flirt if we aren't 100% sure that we have a really solid relationship.
That's how I'm feeling at the moment, probably because I haven't got the chance to see my gf very often.

I flirt with girls, maybe with a bit intent but not trying to hit on them. Let me explain: I think that the with flirting we try to check all other possible options, just to see if there was any chemistry. With some of them I might have a good chemistry, with some definitely not at all. It's kind of an instinct that the nature has given to us and finding the best partner gives better chances to our genes to survive and be passed to the next generations. That's called evolution I guess.

I don't think that my theory is unappropriate because both, male and female do that and it has happened, is happening and will be happening in the nature all the time.