Ask Uncle Carl

carl winslow · Post by **carl winslow** » 18 Oct 2005 08:36

Ok footbaggers,
Heres your chance to gain some of my deep wisdom.
tap into Carl Winslow's fountains of knowledge.
In this thread anyone can ask me any question and I shall answer it.
You could also ask for advice if you want.
ASK AWAY! the great Carl awaits.

jon · Post by **jon** » 18 Oct 2005 09:16

On that episode where Jaleel White (Steve Urkel) invents that machine that turns him into Stephan Urquell why didn't he just keep the clothing/style of Stephan but turn back into Steve so that he could hook up with Laura Winslow?
Also as the father of a daughter that was only attracted to a guy once he changed how he looked on the outside but not change on the inside how did you deal with the real life implications of such a display of superficial lust from your own flesh and blood?

Thanks Reg!

ted · Post by **ted** » 18 Oct 2005 10:06

Was Waldo Faldo the Caps Lock Bandit?

carl winslow · Post by **carl winslow** » 18 Oct 2005 12:48

Jon- as for your first question-Steve did not like the way Stefan Urquelle dressed.
and the other question- In the later episoses Stefan and Steve become two seperate people existing at the same time- Laura was shallow at first and became attracted to Stefan, but After Urkel and Myra break up, Laura does develop feelings for Steve. Though I suspect Laura had feelings for Steve all along. Please consider watching episode 206 entitled "Trading Places" in this episode Stefan tests Laura's feelings for him by turning back into Steve. It is here where we see Laura's true colors. You will see that The big guy raised her right.

Ted- Of course Waldo Faldo was the CAPS LOCK BANDIT!

NEXT

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » 18 Oct 2005 19:07

This blog is TIGHT. Ok

Yo I don't have any questions

hacksterbator · Post by **hacksterbator** » 18 Oct 2005 20:27

what's your real name?

carl winslow · Post by **carl winslow** » 18 Oct 2005 21:29

Sam- thank you. I keep my blogs as tight as possible.

Hacksterbator- I am known by many names, Carl Winslow, Reginald VelJohnson,....Steve Fisher

Next!

smpdustin15 · Post by **smpdustin15** » 18 Oct 2005 21:47

If 2 trains start in the same place travelling in opposite directions, one going 70 miles a hour and the other doing 93.5 kilometers a hour. Which one will bring me a pizza first and will it have pepperoni on it? Assuming that the first train is going north by north east and the other south by south east.

Secondly who hit genisis first and when?

carl winslow · Post by **carl winslow** » 18 Oct 2005 22:18

SmpDustin- Thank you for bringing your quest for knowledge to me- the wise one.

Although your first query provides me with an insufficient amount of data required to deduce a proper answer, I will respond nevertheless. The train that is traveling at a velocity of 93.5 killometers per hour leads me to believe that it is a train that makes use of the metric system and therefore is more logical than the train that is traveling at a rate of 70 miles per hour. This implies that the 93.5-kilometer per hour train will be less likely to ever be in the business of delivering Italian foods to people. Trains run on tracks and it would be nonsense for them to be making deliveries to people living in private residences. The pizza most likely will include a topping of pepperoni.

The first person to ever hit a clean genesis maneuver was actually Moses. He hit it while carrying the 20 commandments down from the mountain causing him to fall and break one of the stone tablets. This is why today we only have 10 commandments. Moses named the move after his favorite book in the bible.

C-Fan · Post by **C-Fan** » 20 Oct 2005 05:46

Shit, I used to have the best blog.

brian relly · Post by **brian relly** » 20 Oct 2005 06:04

Do you play footbag?

ted · Post by **ted** » 20 Oct 2005 11:31

You the Big Dog, Uncle Carl.

carl winslow · Post by **carl winslow** » 20 Oct 2005 12:29

Stephen- yes. Ive "hacked" with a sipa sipa on and off for many years ever since i was in 4th grade.
I got into freestyle like a lot of people when i stumbled across footbag.org one day after searching for hacky sack on the internet.

Ted- Uncle C. Is the big dog alright. WOOF WOOF

C-Fan- don't worry your blog can be 2nd best.

carl winslow · Post by **carl winslow** » 24 Oct 2005 14:26

come on now people! dont make me bump my own blog!
how embarassing.
listen- by not making use of this service i am providing, you are only robbing yourselves of the vast wisdom i posess.
the choice is yours

HG · Post by HG » 24 Oct 2005 14:32

I have a friend. Steve. He plays with pool balls and throws them at little children. if he continues to do so, what will i have for dinner tonight? Also, if i DO have stromboli for dinner, will it throw off the balance of Cleditiduses pendulum and therefore, throw the entire white russian mafia into disorder?

Thanks W4ldo

Samurai · Post by **Samurai** » 24 Oct 2005 17:58

Props on the question G.

Uncle Carl, how come, even though I'm madly in love, and I know that my girl loves me, do sometimes I feel inadequate, like I wish she loved me more or something, when really I know that I'm just being dramatic, but not on purpose, I really feel that way, but its stupid. Arg this isnt a good job of explaining it. What I mean to ask is, Why do I doubt the truth?

Question # 2:

How can I trust a religion when there are conflicting religions that claim to be correct?

Thanks Uncle Carl, You're the greatest.

Big Fan
-Sam

carl winslow · Post by **carl winslow** » 24 Oct 2005 19:36

HenryG, Why your inquiry may sound humorous at first, but I was able to decipher what I believe was the true meaning behind it. Let us all remember- “The only stupid question is the one that is not asked!”
You state that Steve is your friend, and he engages in acts of tossing of billiard orbs at little ones. This is a most disturbing act. If your friend continues to do so, I would have to deduce that he would inevitably wind up incarcerated. Simple logic shows that when a close comrade gets into trouble it will cause pain and result in you turning to food for comfort. Common comfort foods that you may consume for dinner could include mashed potatoes and turkey with heavy gravy. You will most definitely not be eating stromboli and will have absolutely NO effect on the equilibrium of any pendulum or organized crime syndicate be it Russian or otherwise.

Sam- great questions I am stewing them over in the Carl Cave and shall have an answer for you shortly.

Until next time-
Uncle Carl loves you all!!!!

SandWraith · Post by **SandWraith** » 24 Oct 2005 20:39

Dear Carl,

I have heard a lot of conflicting advice in relation to life in general and girls in particular, and figured I'd ask you. There seem to be a lot of schools of thought related to how life should be lived, but chiefly there's the carpe diem and the "go with the flow" doctrines. Now, patience has never been my thing, so if I see a girl I'd like to get to know, should I wait for a natural opportunity to talk to her or should I take it into my own hands and go find her, introduce myself, and get to know her that way?

Or are girls even necessary? Should I be more concerned with being happy on my own and letting everything work itself out? I've always heard that love finds you when you stop looking for it. And if I can't be happy alone, am I putting my potential happiness in someone else's hands? What's this all mean?

Thanks a lot,
Zach

carl winslow · Post by **carl winslow** » 25 Oct 2005 08:44

Sam,
It seems like you may feel that you love your girlfriend more than she loves you. This may or may not be true, but even if it is- let Uncle Carl “the Doctor of Love” drop this metaphor on you. Imagine that you and your girlfriend are both glasses filled with the potion of love. Your glass is bigger than your girlfriends but both glasses are filled to the top. No one can complain that you got more of the love potion than your girlfriend because you are both filled to the brim. Anymore would just spill over the top. You can only love as much as you can hold. Love does crazy things to us…even uncle carl. You don’t doubt the truth. love till it hurts... than there is no more hurt and only more love...deep!

As for the 2nd question

Religions are based on faith, faith and trust are slightly different. Carl Winslow feels that all religions lead to the same place, and religions are just different paths you take to get there. Feel free to pick and choose the best parts of any different religions you like and make your own beliefs at the all you can eat religious buffet. All religions claim to be correct cause maybe they all are correct in there own way.

SandWraith,
good question, let me first say you did the right thing by coming to Carl for help. Im gonna lead you down the winslow path.
Yes, girls are necessary- but you should be more concerned with being happy for yourself first of all. You gotta check yourself before you wreck yourself. The person who knows how to be content will always be content. Be cool with yourself and others will be cool with you. Don’t get to hung up on trying to always have a girlfriend or what have you. The go with the flow way is a much better philosophy. Don’t seize the day, don’t seize anything.

3 more questions answered - 2 more lives forever changed
thats the way carl rolls!
Holla back now and drop uncle C a line in his bloggyoggy!
peace

Jdigges · Post by **Jdigges** » 25 Oct 2005 09:18

How come im having such a hard time trying to figure out a good question relating to my life, to ask you.