Fuck!
Bob Log starts the night walking around the venue, before the support acts come on. He's a weedy looking guy with thick, black-framed glasses on. He stands in the crowd and watches the other acts. Then it's his turn.
He comes out in a tight black jump-suit, with small mirrors running down the seams. On his head he wears a glittery silver helmet with a large visor, attatched to which is an old telephone handset, which acts as his microphone.
He walks straight out, into the crowd and begins playing his dirty, dirty blues before getting on stage, plugging his helmet in, and starting on the next song.
At one point, a group of guys climb up on stage, holding a large inflatable dingie. Bob disconnects his helmet, and climbs aboard the S. S. Boob, before crusing the ocean of estatic audience (an audience he's named 'Shirley'), where by he continues to play his guitar. He belts out such songs as 'Clap your tits', and 'Wag your tail like a dog in back of the truck'.
Then he stops and tells 'Shirley' that his girlfriends mother is in the crowd. Then he holds up a glass of scotch (on the rocks). "Before she gets back, I want someone to put their tit in my scotch."
To which the crowd begins to go wild.
A girl up the front obliges by pulling up her shirt and dropping her nipple into the glass before handing the glass back.
Bob takes a drink and then passes the glass around the room for everyone to enjoy.
At this point he bursts into 'Boob Scotch' - probably his most famous song, having been played on Triple J.
More songs come before he calls two girls up onto the stage. One sits on his right knee - the knee that he uses for the kick drum. The other girl sits on his left knee. He uses that for the cymbols and the synthesyzer (Did I mention he's a 'one man band'?). With his knees fully loaded, he sings 'I want your shit on my knee', bouncing the two girls as he plays.
He finishes the song, and walks to the side of the stage. Dropping to the floor and commences 35 pushups! He stops, stips off his jumpsuit to reveal he's wearing some valure underpants, with the ass cheaks cut out of 'em.
Bob returns to his stool and plays some more as a woman from the crowd is placed in the rubber dingie and passed around the room some more. This is the final song and the crowd, so estacic with the show they've been given, applaud and cheer wildly as he leaves the stage.
It's 1:36am. I left the venue about half an hour ago after getting a CD signed by Bob Log III, and I start work in 4hours and 24 minutes. I'm screwed.
But DAMN was it worth it.
If you see Bob Log III playing in your city, you're a fool to miss the show.
It's dirty blues, but it's got a life that fills the venue with joy. It's dirty blues, but no-one leaves with the blues, only smiles and a satisfaction that the $15 bucks you spent to get in there was so fuckin worth it.
