Hello. Someone, somewhere asked how EGO driven people are. Well, I'm sure that it varies. I have wasted so much of my life... from a certain perspective. "You have so much potential." is what my teachers always said. Oh, well. If I accomplish great things I can give credit to my random slow-2-develop stage. I don't even know what blog this is. Is it my 3rd or my 4th? I can't bear to post in one of the other ones. right now. I'll keep them chained together through next and previous links. That works. So... I have been struggling with life-after-FR. Some of you probably know what that means. For the rest of you, I made a movie over a two year period in my life. Towards the end it became a giant weight on my shoulders and I think I had a mental C-section. I thought that as soon as it was finished, my life would instantly become much better. Little did I know that I would have a long recovery period and a hard decision to make. What do I want to be? I feel as if I can be anything. That being said, how can I commit to one thing? I can imagine all the lives that I could have lead, that I never will. That has been holding me back from making my decision. Eventually I had to make a list of the things I love.
I love sound. It is an undescribable sense. To say that it is invisible is only to compare it to sight. Sight is inaudible. They are both beautiful. So.. really. I love my senses. I think this means I love life. I sort of feel that I want to be a filmmaker. But I don't think that capturing and editing life is the nicest way to treat it. In fact that really makes sense to me. I would rather walk out into the world and speak with the people.
I love the people. I love society. I love humans. I have hope for us, despite the attrocities we commit. I have done bad things... most of us have. (;) at the metaphorical Jesus) But, I think that forgiveness is important. So, as of now, I forgive everyone that I have ever hated. I forgive everyone that has ever triggered me feeling sorry for myself. I even forgive myself for making mistakes. That's a pretty good feeling.
I love children. I love them in a way that I think most people don't. When I see a little kid I like to get down on my knees and be the same height as him. To look him in the eye. He is an equal. Just because he doesn't have as much experience doesn't mean that I should ever talk down to him. I can't wait to be a father.
I love Ashley Danowski. She isn't the perfect girl for me, nor am I the perfect boy for her. But, we have the perfect love. We have the desire to overcome obstacles and compromise our conflicts. We respect and desire each other. We make each other laugh and cry, sing and scream. We dance in the dark and fly in the day. We have literally experienced some of the magic that is in this world. Actually, there is an abundance of magic left in the world. One perspective reveals that existence itself is pure magic... pure amazing energy. It recharges my soul to know this.
I love that I don't know what I want to be. I have so many choices. I do know, however, some things that I want to do:
Learn as many languages as possible.
Read as much as possible.
Meditate.
Practice myriad physical activities.
Learn and practice the musical language.
Refine my intellect.
Have faith that every sensory input I ever receive is a test and a gift.
Get BUFFFFF! Hahaha.
AlesAlign my actual and ideal selves.
Well, that's good for now. Peace out, and don't forget:
Only you can make yourself FRESH.
Yay! On the way back I signed up at a gym. Now I can really cross train for footbag. I'm about to eat some good food then take a shower and make music. Seeya.
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. I think I'll be okay though. Well, its 2 am. I had some really good and really bleh times today. I cleaned my room pretty nice. I still need to get into the closet and into this one trunk I have. I also need to get rid of some stuff. Guess thats it. Peace.
and am gonna defrag tonight. Some kind of clense is going on.
