Zimbardo/Parents

[Guest_2]

I think parents have a problem with the Zimbardo effect. For those of you who don't know, Zimbardo did research to find how people would react to suddenly being placed in an authority situation:

http://www.prisonexp.org/ -very similiar to Abu Ghraib

Well,
I recently had an experience where some friends and I were driving a girl home. We wanted to see if she could come with us to lunch. We called her parents and they freaked out. Literally, cursing and yelling about how they demanded she be home and she better not be pulling any s***....etc.

While working at a sleepaway camp this summer, I noticed some counselors demonstrated the same behaviors; they were unreasonable and demanded things be done their way w/out listening to what the kid had to say.

Furthermore, I got into a discussion with my own mother about driving to downtown tomorrow night. She threw a fit because I wasn't sitting down to talk and wasn't giving the "yes ma'am" answers she was looking for. Once the coversation was over, I began to walk away and then she continued rambling about if I didn't make the bus Monday [today is Friday] I wouldn't drive to school Tuesday. And if I missed the bus monday, I wouldn't drive Tuesday and continued it

Then proceeded to freak out, screaming and yelling unintelligably and I honestly couldn't understand a word that was said. The correlation was lost to me and I began thinking about this.

Do parents tend to experience the Zimbardo trip? Is it unsafe/healthy for them to be allowed this position of power if they abuse it as so?

[BainbridgeShred]

WTF?

[dp]

The All Knowing One. He's returned.

*Puts on helmet preparing for flak*

[Slowsis]

Responsibility=Stress
Stress+Weak willed individuals= Erratic behaviour

Its a pretty simple equation. Just about anyone can become a parent, and not everyone is completely up to the task. That when power tripping parents and child abuse happen. Your situation sucks, but millions of kids around the world are getting beaten by their parents every day. Hows that for erratic behaviour.

[Iron Clad Ben]

Over protective controlling jewish mother... been there too dude, been there too. You'll be out of the house and on your own before you know it. Don't worry, it's all part of childhood.

[habitat]

IMO, I think it's unnecessary for parents to be so controlling sometimes. I think about EVERYONE has been through it though. I always thought it was bullshit for people to agree with parents and perpetuate the cycle of "it's ok to completely control your kids life and manipulate them as you please because when you have a kid ITS YOUR RIGHT AND RESPONSIBILITY to do the same."


?


Really? That's how life should be? I'm not talking about letting your kids do whatever, I'm not for that at all. It's just sometimes those situations come up (girl coming to lunch) where being obsessed with control is not only unnecessary but completely ridiculous and farfetched. I am also sure there is always a "reason" behind everything that parents do errrr..emm..bullshit. In almost every case that I HAVE seen, the reason isn't valid... it's based of past experiences/fuckups of that said parent, which is not really fair to the son/daughter of that said parent. (yeah, I hear your life isn't fair speech coming, bullshit, shut up and please sit down, it isn't the 50s...)

ooops, did I just break a rule and form a logical opinion?!?!? I know some of my friends who have turned out weird because they were pwned by their parents their whole lives. I am also speaking from my own situation. I couldn't stand the fact that I was abused because I had opinions on things that had to do with MY life. I believed in myself enough to leave my parents house when I was 16 with nothng but the clothes on my back. I'm lucky though as life has turned out great since and I am actually very happy I made that decision, although at the time a little disturbing, I feel I have matured in a way not possible living with my, in a lesser word, dooshy parents.

Life is a LEARNING experience. Parents who deny their children to experience most of life for themselves and expect them to "take their word for it because they know it all" deserve no respect from me. This also goes the same with parents who let their kids do whatever they want and not taking any interest in their lives, but that is really another subject...

In conclusion, sometimes too much control can really screw everything up, from prolonged, unhealthy resentment of the parent or permenantly defecting a child's personality. Who doesn't have a friend who went to college who was owned by their parents their childhood and now drinks smokes fucks anything they can (yes, that is unhealthy )? Well, probably some of you , but you get my point. Although this may not be true for EVERY situation, everything that I have said is directly resulting from personal experience. Your experience may differ, this is just what I have concluded.

[DoctorJay]

Very interesting topic!

I got a few statements to say:

I will keep it short because you can fill tons of books about this stuff.

Some psychologists say that your education/childhood plays the biggest role in forming your personality- If you are interested in gaining some knowledge on this I read a few books from Alice Miller.

Summing up , she analyzed the impact of your education to your later personality. She analyzed the education of dictators who could form their state like they want. Very interesting.


The next aspect is if you are not capable to master a situation. Kids ask too much from their parents in some situation so this is a problem for all people who are not good at handling these situations.
I got some training in such situation which asked too much from me and I am still acting super worse sometimes. I guess not much people got such possibilites to train this and their behaviour is based on reflexes and not on their mind .


Check the qualification of the advice which is given to you. Qualification is not based on titles only on proven study results. Some people state their own opinion as a fact- do not believe them.

You will get to a point in your life when you have to draw the balance with your parents and hhow they educated you. You have to wonder what was good and what was not good. People often tend to say "I got so good parents ( ..... because look who I am now ....) and so the way they educated me must be the right way to educate my childs as well (...otherwise I have to admit that my parents made mistakes and maybe I could be a much better person now....) ."


People want to handle situation the easy way- discuss and think about their childs and how to react on their (yeah the child's) proposals is much more complicated than just say "No" or "Yes".




Moreover, if people hear things they do not want to hear, they tend to search for other people to get agreement and if they have the necessary power they want to turn down the other opinion.



It is very hard to educate perfectly- I guess it is not possible up to now, but we must admit that we just got no opinion how to do so and not to tell that you as a mum or a dad knows it the best.



Just my two cents

[zeroman13]

That was short Doc J????

I agree with Vindicator, my Dad goes off on tangents when I ask a question and while answering it he tends to freak out and get horribly pissed. Then he doesn't talk to me for the rest of the night.

I think parents just tend to get flustered when their kids aren't home, or they ask to do things all the time.

Maybe they go through this because they aren't seeing the kids long enough because they aren't home or they seclude themselves in there room or on the computer.

Here's my two cents

[funklovesfootbag]

I agree with James, too overcontrolling or undercontrolling parents will fuck a kid up. When you're young you think your parents are superheros, and then you realize they're normal people... they're doing all this parent stuff for the first time, and they fuck up like everyone else.

I think good or bad, they give you something to learn from, at least... a positive role model to emulate, or a crazy douche as an example of how not to act. Unfortunately, lots of stupid/otherwise incapable people breed though.

[RunAmuk]

i like to meet the girls just after they move from there parents that are nazi's.
lol they dont know how to party, and start puking in someones washing machine. Or even better, pass out on my futon.
nah jk.

[james_dean]

i like to meet the girls just after they move from there parents that are nazi's.
lol they dont know how to party, and start puking in someones washing machine. Or even better, pass out on my futon.
nah jk.

wtf?! How was that a valuable contribution?



Interesting topic. I like to think that, on the whole, my parents are trying to do the best thing by me. On the other hand, parenting a child is seriously hard work. Especially teenagers. Getting a teenager to do the right thing can be friggen hard sometimes, and me and my bro over the last year haven't made my parents lives easy Dad was always a bit of a power tripper but now it's worse I get about 40 bucks a week from my measly job and he's getting pissed and lecturing me because I'm buying maccas for breakfast? He's trying to take over my life and that's really friggen frustrating for a 19 yr old. Makes me want to move out.

I think it's because he's having trouble getting us to grow up in some areas, thing is I'm over those issues, only he can't see that And now he's afraid I'm not going to be doing the right thing so he's trying to dictate my every movement. It's very frustrating, but hard to hate on him for it because I completely understand where he's coming from, and with his personality traits this is the outcome