a serious topic

[PegLegHolly]

im being serious about this topic and i dont want anyone making wise cracks. i will take any jokes or slander as an insult.


ive been doing my best lately. ive been doing the best i can in school, ive been in a cheerful mood most of the time, and ive done my best to keep peace in my household.

lately ive been having problems with my mom. i used to have problems about a year ago but then i moved into the dorms at my college and we didnt have any fights other than on the phone. a year ago our fights were my doing. i was a horrible person to everyone in my family. i wasnt myself.

ive moved back in my parents house... this is since the midwestern tournament. this had been pleasant up until this week. my mom has been freaking out about anything i do... example:

i came home from a long day of school today. i just got home maybe... 9:30 and its only 10:20 now. her and dad were trying to put nails in the wall so then they could hang some of my artwork in the living room. she had gone out and bought new frames for my art. problem was, she didnt get the kind that has that back that can hang on the wall. so here dad was putting these up... and he told her "this isnt going to work. theyll fall by morning." she got all pissed and told him to do it anyway. i told her no. if my artwork falls off the wall... itll get ruined. i have a dumbass dog that eats everything and an evil cat that scratches everything. anything below knee level gets ruined around here. so yeah, i told her no and she freaked out. she said some hurtful words that i wont put in a forum and stomed off to her room and slammed the door.

it seems i cant do anything right. no one seems to care that i make lunches, that i do dishes, that i do laundry. they care if i dont do it. and i get an earful for that. im not a stay-at-home mom. im not a mom. im a young adult. i go to school. i work. i footbag. and i try to have some "me" time every now and then. i have a younger brother that lives here and hes just a smart ass cause hes 16.

also i have a twin brother. hes the frat-guy without the fraturnity. popped collar. sunglasses inside and at night. party boy. we went to our old friends wedding the other day. and weddings are boring. we stayed around to eat cake and whatnot. it got to where i was ready to leave. so i say "george lets go" and hes like okay. so we go up to the bride and groom to say goodbye and i guess he didnt realize i was behind him. he says "hey we have to go. my sister is being a b****." i love my brother and i help him out a lot. i keep secrets for him. i clean his apartment sometime. ive driven to his apartment at 3am to pick him up out of a pool of his own vomit and put him in the shower and take care of him. thats what sisters are for. especially twins.


im sorry im ranting. its not really ranting... i just have a lot to get off my chest and i need some advice. im bawling my eyes out and i dont know what to do about this situation. i know i cant give up... because good family doesnt do that.

does anyone have any help?


im sorry guys.

[BenRea]

well, it kind of sounds like your mother is one of those people that, whatever she puts he head to, she has to do it, no matter how bad of an idea it is, i think maybe you need to let her do what she wants and give her a little authority. but thats not the only thing, shoe sounds a bit like a hardass too. no offense.


"no one seems to care".....i had the same problem, i got a girlfriend and now we care abut each other that i dont think there can be any more caring, but if you dont want another person to deal with, then maybe that isnt the right direction to go.

sorry i cant help more.


your friend,
Ben

[pips]

I really don't know what to say about this except to maybe talk about it to your mom/ family. Tell her that you are trying your best and ask for her to give you another chance and treat you better.

[Guest_2]

Family sucks

There is no way to make them see your needs or that you need to be valued more. Don't even worry about it. I've heard this from countless girls talking about their families like this.

The truth is, they don't see you as a seperate human being that requires the respect any one else does. They see you as a daughter that is to function and be yelled at if she doesn't. There is no way out from under that role without moving out and making them miss your contributions and uniquity.

[james_dean]

Family sucks

There is no way to make them see your needs or that you need to be valued more. Don't even worry about it. I've heard this from countless girls talking about their families like this.

The truth is, they don't see you as a seperate human being that requires the respect any one else does. They see you as a daughter that is to function and be yelled at if she doesn't. There is no way out from under that role without moving out and making them miss your contributions and uniquity.

Just because your family sucks doesn't mean everyone elses does, geez, that's the worst advice I've ever heard. Families are like your safety zone, like holly said, she could give up but families don't do that.

It is possible that Josh is right, but that is the worst case scenario and the last thing you should be looking at.

My Dad gets like that sometimes, we just sort of deal with it. Although he doesn't usually swear and stuff like that, he just always seems unhappy with us. Sometimes he's gone off and the only explanation is that he's had a hard day (he gets stressed out from work) and the only thing you can do in those kind of situations is be the bigger person and accept that it wasn't you they were really pissed with.

Maybe you could ask your mum why she got so angry with you, did you say something she wasn't happy with? And let her know that it was quite hurtful. Good luck

[PegLegHolly]

i left her a note by the coffee pot this morning. she left one back and told me that before i got there both my little brother and my dad were telling her how wrong she was for getting the wrong kind of frame. i just made matters worse.

there was a time when i moved out because i wasnt getting along. but at that same time i was in my own world of drugs and being a kid. ive grown up and grown out of that, thank goodness.


im sure things will be alright... as they normally end up eventually. were just a crazy, weird, southern, bipolar family. unfortunately brian has to deal with this because hes moved in as well. things are a lot less frantic when hes around. brian rocks.


thanks for your support fellas and gal. yall rock big time.

peace

[Sporatical_Distractions]

Sounds exactly like my mother. The best thing for me was to move out of the house. I was in the dorms for a year, moved back in w/ the parental units and everything was cool...for a while. Then all hell broke loose and it turned into a household that none of us wanted to be in. Moving out helped that situation. I find that when I'm around my family for extended periods of time, tensions rise. I've been out of there for a little over a year now and we get along great.

[FlexThis]

Don't be so quick to judge your mother's intentions. I am a parent and have encountered similar situation with my kids.

The fact is your mother (most likely) went out of her way to frame your shit. She thought that much of it to have it framed.

That alone should win your respect, unless you are selfish and self centered. It is the thought that counts. Did she get any praise for at least thinking to buy frames???

The fact that the frames weren't the ones they could have been is irrelevant. This is a minor detail, a snafu. It was WRONG of your brother and Dad to hound her about it prior to your salting of her wound.

Sounds like your whole family needs a little less critism and a little more encouragement.

I attended a 5 week parenting class to better understand the relationships between parents and children. The key to success is communication and encouragement.

Next time you are openly critical of your mother, first compliment or encourge something she is doing RIGHT, before you bash her for doing something WRONG.

This works 99% of the time and avoids all the little arguments that lead to unneccessary negative feelings.

----

Dishes, laundry, lunches, etc... ARE EXPECTED!!! You are a member of the family. Imagine if Michael Landon had decided not to do all the little things that the Ingles family needed to survive. He decided that he needed a little pat on the back before he went out, worked his ass off, just to bring what little he could afford to be devoured whole by his ungrateful family?

Rarely will you receive praise for chores. Actually you will receive mad props by both your parents, if the word chores never has to be uttered by either one. It will get noticed if they NEVER have to do them.

They call them chores for a reason. Otherwise, they would be called "Happy Time Fun Stuff To Do To Get Noticed By Your Parents".

----

Your brother is a jerk for dissing you (practically to your face). He did it not knowing you were there, and he did it to save face (or look like the cool guy) between him and his/your friends.

----

Your points are valid and I am by no means trying to dis you or your family in any way. Its just that now as a parent I can see both sides of the argument.

Encouragement and communication without attitude goes miles farther than complaining and nitpicking ever will.

Take care,

~peace

[PegLegHolly]

^nothing of what you have said above characterizes my family.

bump

[FlexThis]

Oh no ,

Then maybe you are just spoiled.(jk-)

But seriously - if that's not you - then what are you really upset about???

~peace

[james_dean]

Dishes, laundry, lunches, etc... ARE EXPECTED!!!

Not necessarily. I mean they should be, but every family is different and has different expectations. I do a lot of housework as well and get a lot of praise off mum for it, because she really appreciates it. Also it looks good when set against my brother, who does nothing, but sit in his room and play computer games all day....

Interesting to get the other side of the argument. I always try to consider the parents point of view when in situations like that, and sometimes it's eye opening how wrong you can be when you've been thinking egotistically.

[brinard]

its pretty trying for holly around the house. she does way more than anyone else, but never even gets thanked most the time.

but like said, she gets yelled at if its not done.

another instance happend today, and i wont go into detail, but she dosent deserve her treatment around here.

i try and help out, but im a slob, and cant help it. i love holly to death, and thank her for even doing the slightest thing. i guess that makes my thanks sound hollow, but theyre not. i appreciate everything you do holly. i really do.


thankyou again, for everything

[QuantumBalance]

yall two should move out/in together

you KNOW it would be sick!

[FlexThis]

I forget that not everyone here lives by the same Little House standards that I grew up with as a kid.

Chores aren't neccessarily expected in every household. But it does help when members of a family can gel together in getting things done.

Sounds like you are pulling more than your weight Holly. Hope things lighten up on you.

~peace

[PegLegHolly]

brian had moved in my house a couple months ago. and with him around its way better than before. when i was living with just me, my parents, and my brothers... it was hell. now that brians around they try to keep their voices down.

the reason why i was upset before was because of what my mother had said to me. im not going to post it because its personal but i just feel like what im doing isnt ever enough.

the thing about the picture frames was resolved. she was pissed because of my brother and dad... not because of me. yeah, my moms the type that once she has her mind set on something it has to be done the way she plans it. if you tell her that she could improve something shes doing she just gets pissed off and would rather learn the hard way rather than have people help.

thanks brian for always cheering me up when im down... and always thanking me and being sweet.

the other day at work (im a janitor ) someone had smeared shit all over the mens bathroom stalls and i had to clean it up. needless to say that had ruined my day. but by the time i got into the womens restroom i was just ready to leave and say fuck it and quit. but brian came in with a dozen roses and some carnations and some lilys and other yellow flowers all in this huge vase. brian helps out a lot... i dont know what id do without him.

we decided last night that when we finish school we want to move away from here. i dont know where. and the end of school is still a couple more years but its something to look forward to. we are also taking a vacation during winter break up to chicago for the new years jam and we are flying and its going to be awesome. we buy the plane tickets wednesday.

things are looking up right now. no, im not spoiled... not by my family... probably by brian. thanks guys for all the support you are giving me. its good to know that at least some footbaggers are cool.

[FlexThis]

If its any help,

I moved to CA from NC after college just to get away from the influences of my family.

I was like a silver bell ringing in a pile of mud.

Now I'm a slave to the man (work) - but still better than being stuck in the mud.

Plan your future well.

~peace

[FlexThis]

Ha,

Your last name is Mathews? With 1 T?

How funny,

My name is Damon Mathews, also with 1 T.

How many times have you had to correct people?

~peace

[Slowsis]

If those are the worst of your troubles, consider yourself lucky. There is nothing better than perspective to make shitty situations seem baerable.

I have a few homeless friends that were DITCHED by their families in their times of need. Do you know how happy they would be to even see their mothers? Not to make light of your situation (because family drama is never fun) but think of what you would do if you were going to never see them again starting tommorow.

[PegLegHolly]

man... i have problems with my last name all the time... it gets lost in computer systems.

i went to the attourny's office yesterday and they were like "i cant find your information. you havent filled anything out. here fill out this 30 page information sheet."
and im like "no i filled that out. how are you spelling my name?"
she was like " spelled it right. h-o-l-l-y"
i told her "no you have a copy of my drivers license you should know its with one t in the last name"

stupid bitch
jk
she just cant read... just stupid

where do you live? maybe youre a long-lost cousin or some crazy shit like that

[FlexThis]

I was born in Winston, NC, but most of the Mathews family is based out of Ohio and Indiana.

My family was rasied in Concord NC.

I am always interested in finding other one "T" Mathews people, because of the drama associated with incorrect spellings, lost info, etc...

Glad to find another one that shares my pain.

~peace