modified

QuantumBalance · Post by **QuantumBalance** » 06 Nov 2006 23:12

Sucky, down, everything could be good, but its just a waste. I hope I wake up tomorrow.

QuantumBalance · Post by **QuantumBalance** » 11 Nov 2006 01:58

I did wake up. I am taking my chances. I am alive! Footbag session with chris tomorrow! Maybe even Mic Check. Maybe chad? Focus, determination. SPIRIT! TRUTH. Hope.

ashleyd · Post by **ashleyd** » 12 Nov 2006 12:28

I played footbag!
<3

QuantumBalance · Post by **QuantumBalance** » 13 Nov 2006 10:04

Yesterday was the longest day. I woke up at 4:30 am and didn't really get to sleep until 10:00 pm. I tried to sleep at noon and 5 but that didn't work. I ended up taking a very hot shower and going to sleep right after. I did a lot of important stuff over the weekend, but I missed out on two oppertunities that I shouldn't have. I also missed a bunch of calls from Ashley, but I was working so hard I couldn't have got them. I have a nice business meeting with a talented artist today. Should be fun. I miss you Ashley.
-Sam

QuantumBalance · Post by **QuantumBalance** » 14 Nov 2006 21:11

If I had a choice of restaurant to work at here in Los Angeles it is the Cheesecake Factory in Pasadena. I had my first interview there today, and was just called back for a second interview tomorrow at 5:30pm. If I make it past this one, there is only 1 more.

I wish I knew what to do with my life. I guess it might be make music. A lot of people say they like my music. That's cool. I'm just so depressed about being away from Ashley. I hate this lonley feeling.

I have been doing some good here though. I'm glad about that.

Well, I have survived another day.

-Sam

sen · Post by **sen** » 14 Nov 2006 22:53

Make some music while you're depressed and lonely.

QuantumBalance · Post by **QuantumBalance** » 17 Nov 2006 16:42

I have decided to become an artist. I just got hired as a server at Cheesecake factory Pasadena. Life is good.

QuantumBalance · Post by **QuantumBalance** » 18 Nov 2006 23:11

Ups and downs
Life abounds
again I see BOTS in the rounds
october 31st
i see the release date
i heard distribution process
came in to play
i curse the faulty DVDs I once made
and the deals that never paid
i clean up my act like a maid
im so red like a heart
im black like a spade
white like the casket
in the grave that i lay
clear in the spirit
realm do i play
from the Z to the A ok
i recite back my alphabet
metaphors allude and malgamate
illusions all around me
illustrations somehow sounding
sick with all the music
that the stereo is abounding
booming crowns king
proud of the crowds bling
i rap so much
my brain and my mouth synch
but no im just clowning
im actually drowning
in the rap sea im in trouble
but yo peace out yall
cuz this is bursting my bubble

QuantumBalance · Post by **QuantumBalance** » 19 Nov 2006 19:20

QuantumBalance · Post by **QuantumBalance** » 21 Nov 2006 11:50

Bllarrrg. Rar! Roar.

Zeb Jackson · Post by **Zeb Jackson** » 21 Nov 2006 12:34

I like reading your blog, its always interesting and cool

QuantumBalance · Post by **QuantumBalance** » 28 Nov 2006 03:43

Not this time Zeb.

No, today I am a waste of space. Although I know there's a girl somewhere far away counting on me. Today I am sober 5 days, but I wish I was lost in dreams. For all my dreams are lost. And I am all alone. The people the surround me, are nothing more than ghosts. Translucent unreachable, ephemeral people.

The warm flesh and blood meat and chemical reaction to myself is far away. far far far far FAR away. Other than that, everything else is pointless. INDECISION. Regret hatred anger. Yet I still havn't kicked ass yet. Even, if it would get me in trouble. I never pounded in the face of my enemy, because I knew they would sue or something stupid. Just once I wish I could have knee'd them in side of the leg and humiliated them in front of their pride.

Maybe I'm glad I didn't. Maybe not. I don't even know.

All I know is I hurt so much and no one undesstands. Except for the one that is so far away from me. And all these distrations can't hide the truth anymore. The truth that I am empty and in pain.

A cry for attention? Attention from who? There is only one person whose attention I already have and we are kept apart by outside forces. I do knot know what will happen.

---

QuantumBalance · Post by **QuantumBalance** » 28 Nov 2006 04:18

yo fuck i cant handle it
i want my wrists to slit
my blood to drain out
and cover the earth in shit
when i die i want you to be hurt
because you didnt love me enough
excuse
im always stuck at the end
like a big red caboose
disconnected the latch fails
life has a catch
dont let it get stale
its all in your head
just like my own prison
the keys in my hand but
yo i cant listen
to my own mind
the instructions
i was too busy fuckin
around to hear the key words
its absurd this world
that i surround myself with
all caught up in who creates
did someone else produce
this matter on my plate?
that would be great
unfortunatly for me
i looped my own beat

yo i know its all a process
but it feels like nonsense
im stuck in an endless cycle
an ant crawls an inch
as a child walks a mile
a boy rides a city block
at full speed to feel on top
a business man takes a flight
around the world
distorting day and night
to pay the bills with the funny money
negotiated with contracts from competitors
fine print chedder
what could be better
another month of rent paid
food for the family
existence damns me
the only solace is sparity
the man lives vicariously
through his sons happiness
aka ignorama
bliss is the steam and life is the sauna
you rise to the top
grow old and condence
drop the to the ground
just as it makes sense
so the boy enjoys his
formost favorite meal
and for a single moment
nothing else is real
the man forgets all his troubles
as he watches his son
he wishes to himself
that the corse was never done
that dessert was never served
if it was just a little different
if he had waited a little longer
relaxed another instant
maybe the car wouldnt have swerved
into his path oncoming
and his family wouldnt be left
weeks later
desolate and hungry

QuantumBalance · Post by **QuantumBalance** » 28 Nov 2006 04:25

i dont even want to proofread
so go ahead a boo me
im used to it by now
so why dont we all drown

Senor Grommet · Post by **Senor Grommet** » 28 Nov 2006 14:26

get a session together with chris and Chad; that might make you feel better.

QuantumBalance · Post by **QuantumBalance** » 28 Nov 2006 14:28

Well. Chad's knees hurt and he's workin nights
Chris plays too many video games to have time.

ashleyd · Post by **ashleyd** » 28 Nov 2006 16:28

i love you, its so hard right now, stay strong, stay strong, stay strong. i love you.

ashleyd · Post by **ashleyd** » 06 Dec 2006 18:30

QuantumBalance · Post by **QuantumBalance** » 19 Dec 2006 15:34

Hey Mods.

Well, after 11 days straight of training, I scored a 98% on my final server exam for The Cheesecake Factory Pasadena. They were nice enough to give me 3 days off before I have my first real shift on thursday, the 21st. I have been takin the time to enjoy life, and mainly makin music with my bro Mic Check. I'm flat broke, but that's okay. Soon I should be making some good money. Home life is rough, but that's okay. I have been so distracted with work and music I haven't had time to be emotional about Ashley, but the other day she was talking to me on the phone and I teared up. You know, that strong, manly cry. I have also been teaching a few peeps 4 square around these parts. Well, that's about it. If you want a preview of my new song then check out Ashley's blog.

Peace,
Sam

QuantumBalance · Post by **QuantumBalance** » 20 Dec 2006 01:15

I hung out with extended family and taught a 4 year old that life is great.

modified

:c)

sober day 5... YUCK