Amends

BainbridgeShred · Post by **BainbridgeShred** » 21 Mar 2007 10:51

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Today is my first day out of inpatient rehab modified, after spending 35 days in the same building with the same interesting amazing adolescents, I cannot begin to describe the feeling I have achieved at this moment, and the amount of information I have learned about myself. I am no where near being at step 8 yet in the AA program, but I want to make amends for any evil, inconsiderate remark I made on here in my active addiction, which changed my personality considerably. My alchoholism and drug use effected my life and everyone I came in contact with, especially those people closest to me. So modified, I hope you can consider myself a changed man, and will accept my humble apology to the entire community.

Rain City Shred, see you at a session nearest you.

slapdash21 · Post by **slapdash21** » 21 Mar 2007 13:56

interesting.

shredzilla · Post by **shredzilla** » 21 Mar 2007 15:02

Eh, doubt it. But AA's a good program. If anything can fix someone that was as messed up as you, it's that.

Oh by the way, this group apology isn't really how you're supposed to do it. I'd start by apologizing to the countless INDIVIDUALS you have harmed and offended. Maybe that dude you punched and gave a black eye to back home could use one too...don't get me started.

habitat · Post by **habitat** » 21 Mar 2007 17:48

So, are you finally going to come over to this side of the state like you said 3 years ago?

Guest_1 · Post by **Guest_1** » 21 Mar 2007 18:06

C'mon ya'll give him credit

I had no beef really, but forgiveness is sent your way man

PegLegHolly · Post by **PegLegHolly** » 21 Mar 2007 19:43

in the early stages, you should really look internally before you can fix the external.

that being said, sometimes amends arent always appologies. amends can mean that you do the oposite of what you were doing before. im sure telling your parents all the things you did while you were using and saying sorry would only hurt them more... maybe just doing the next right thing is a way to make amends.

i dont think you had anything to appologise to the community for. i thought a lot of what you said before was really just sarcasm and out of fun. maybe you regret some things you said, but if thats true then you shouldnt worry about those things right now, you should worry about you and those people closest to you.

it takes a lot of courage to do what youre doing. i admire and support you... even if i dont know you.

BainbridgeShred · Post by **BainbridgeShred** » 21 Mar 2007 22:07

Eh, doubt it. But AA's a good program. If anything can fix someone that was as messed up as you, it's that.

Oh by the way, this group apology isn't really how you're supposed to do it. I'd start by apologizing to the countless INDIVIDUALS you have harmed and offended. Maybe that dude you punched and gave a black eye to back home could use one too...don't get me started.

I can respect that, and I don't expect everyone I make amends to to react graciously towards me. I probably said a lot of very hurtful things to you and others on here that I wont be forgiven for, but it isn't for you that I am apologizing, it is for me. If my apology can shape your perception of me positively, that is great, but that isn't the point of my post.

Chris, no matter what anyone says about "Things people say on the internet don't effect me", everything someone says to you effects you, and it goes that way for everyone I've ever met. When I've been called stupid, it reinforces the feeling and fear that I have that I really am stupid. When someone calls me an asshole, it reinforces the idea in my mind that I truely am an asshole, and causes me to portray myself as more of one, when truely being an asshole is not in my nature. My disease propelled me to do things uncharacteristic of my true nature, and I don't apologize this time like I've done in the past as any sort of show of arrogance or flip. I don't apologize to this community to show the community I am capable of humility, I do it to show myself.

Thanks, Holly.

james_dean · Post by **james_dean** » 22 Mar 2007 00:28

Awesome. Glad to see you're beating it. Missed you round here

shredzilla · Post by **shredzilla** » 22 Mar 2007 01:04

I don't care what you say, you still haven't aplogized to ME personally. You obviously misread that step in the program. You are supposed to do your BEST to make ammends to the people you have hurt PERSONALLY, INDIVIDUALLY. Not some lame half-assed lump-sum post to an entire forum. Wow, you've proven to yourself you're capable of writing an intelligent and insightful post? Kudos!

You REALLY upset me to such a great deal that it started my initial hate for this forum. Your day to day comments were so inappropriate, crass, rude, and hateful, and you made it seem like you didn't give a sh*t about anyone and just continued on your tirade of unrelenting disrespect. Of course why would you stop? It's not like the forum staff cares about people like you ruining the forum atmosphere. That's easily the most glaring difference between this and any other forum I've been to. They let *ssholes like you run wild and piss all over anyone you please.

The most HILARIOUS thing is how everyone constantly rallies around you no matter how much you offend them. I guess it's the "suck up to the bully" syndrome, but I never backed down from a bully. Guess that's why we got into the flame war.

Again, send some PMs. Apologize to the people you have affected negatively, DIRECTLY. You're taking the easy way out as usual. Which means after the brainwashing wears off you'll be f*cked up again in less than a month. Guaranteed.

Peace.

professor · Post by **professor** » 22 Mar 2007 06:14

shredzilla wrote:You're taking the easy way out as usual.

Admitting your mistakes is never taking the easy way out. He could have just started posting on modified again without posting any apologies.

He's trying to apologize and you just keep flaming him, Chris. It seems like you want him to keep insulting you. Also, I'm sure you've said things to him that were hurtful, where's your apology? Because according to you:

shredzilla wrote:You are supposed to do your BEST to make ammends to the people you have hurt PERSONALLY, INDIVIDUALLY.

The most ironic thing about your post is that you put Peace at the bottom when nothing in that post was even close to being called peaceful.

I think instead of flaming him, maybe give him a chance. Yes, you can be skeptical, but you don't have to make it harder for him to be civil to you.

Switch Kicker · Post by **Switch Kicker** » 22 Mar 2007 07:23

shredzilla wrote:I don't care what you say, you still haven't aplogized to ME personally. You obviously misread that step in the program. You are supposed to do your BEST to make ammends to the people you have hurt PERSONALLY, INDIVIDUALLY. Not some lame half-assed lump-sum post to an entire forum. Wow, you've proven to yourself you're capable of writing an intelligent and insightful post? Kudos!

You REALLY upset me to such a great deal that it started my initial hate for this forum. Your day to day comments were so inappropriate, crass, rude, and hateful, and you made it seem like you didn't give a sh*t about anyone and just continued on your tirade of unrelenting disrespect. Of course why would you stop? It's not like the forum staff cares about people like you ruining the forum atmosphere. That's easily the most glaring difference between this and any other forum I've been to. They let *ssholes like you run wild and piss all over anyone you please.

The most HILARIOUS thing is how everyone constantly rallies around you no matter how much you offend them. I guess it's the "suck up to the bully" syndrome, but I never backed down from a bully. Guess that's why we got into the flame war.

Again, send some PMs. Apologize to the people you have affected negatively, DIRECTLY. You're taking the easy way out as usual. Which means after the brainwashing wears off you'll be f*cked up again in less than a month. Guaranteed.

Peace.

I have to agree with Chris. I mean, i'm a little shit too, who really has no place speaking here, but you really are taking the easy way out dude. If you're going to do something, as least do it the right way. If you're not gonna do it the right way, don't fucking bother with it.

And yes, making a large public apology is an easy way. I'd know, because I always used to take the easy way out of everything. Now I only take the easy way out during arguements with my girlfriend... because she's gonna win anyways... so what's the point?

I think maybe you should go back for another 35 days, because you obviously missed the entire point...

And fyi, no, I'm not looking, or expecting an apology, I don't want one, and I don't deserve one. Thought I'd clear that up before people start flamming me over something stupid...

And saying Peace is just a way of saying bye for some people. It doesn't literally have to mean, "Peace be with you." or wtf ever. And chances are, Dan doesn't deserve an apology from Chris. Dan's a asshole, moreso than me, and I"m an ignorant asshole.

slapdash21 · Post by **slapdash21** » 22 Mar 2007 07:43

you know its bound to be a good thread when dan feary starts it and chris miller and switch kicker have both already posted on the first page.

i dont think dan owes most of us an apology, only a few people he said things to that legitimately crossed the line in my opinion.

Iron Clad Ben · Post by **Iron Clad Ben** » 22 Mar 2007 09:22

Alright, the kid just got out of friggin rehab. He also said he's not even AT step 8 yet if you read his message. Give him some time to get his shit together. Look, I think he was a douchebag just as much as you guys did and I'd probably prefer to slug him in the face before shaking his hand but this looks like a honest attempt at a start to turn things around. Change doesn't happen over night, he needs time. Give him a chance. But yeah, like you guys I'm skeptical too. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. In the meantime it's not like he murdered anyone, he was just some kid talking shit to people so don't agrandize it like he was hitler just because you let what he said get under your skin.

Guest_1 · Post by **Guest_1** » 22 Mar 2007 11:32

I think it's pretty shitty for you two: C-mills and Fred to be saying what you're saying. It's not your place and I wish you the best of luck Dan

shredzilla · Post by **shredzilla** » 22 Mar 2007 13:38

professor wrote:
shredzilla wrote:You're taking the easy way out as usual.
Admitting your mistakes is never taking the easy way out. He could have just started posting on modified again without posting any apologies.

He's trying to apologize and you just keep flaming him, Chris. It seems like you want him to keep insulting you. Also, I'm sure you've said things to him that were hurtful, where's your apology? Because according to you:
shredzilla wrote:You are supposed to do your BEST to make ammends to the people you have hurt PERSONALLY, INDIVIDUALLY.
The most ironic thing about your post is that you put Peace at the bottom when nothing in that post was even close to being called peaceful.

I think instead of flaming him, maybe give him a chance. Yes, you can be skeptical, but you don't have to make it harder for him to be civil to you.

I only made ONE point. I admit, the flame started to fan toward the end, but I'm really not trying to flame him. The point is, he's apologizing to the Internet! That takes practically no humility what so ever. Apologizing to a person takes much more humility, and is what making ammends (Especially in relation to AA) is all about. It's not supposed to be EASY. AA's not an easy program. And it only works if you follow the steps precisely. As soon as you start taking shortcuts, you're setting yourself up for failure. Shortcuts are often grouped in with the "relapse behavior" they frequently talk about.

Apologizing to an electronic database of information, or even a vast group of faceless message board accounts in one lump post is not making ammends. Period. Excuse my curtness but again, he offended me to such a high degree and still has yet to apologize, or make a so-called 'ammend' to me. As soon as he does so, and goes through the rest of his list which I'm sure is incredibly long, and apologizes to those people as well, he will have completed that step.

And I whole-heartedly agree with Ben. He's probably no where near that step, since it usually takes a while to get there. Hey, maybe even confer with your sponsor on this one. My PM box will be waiting when you're READY bainbridge. Until then, you'll remain that guy that was an apallingly crass and rude individual and never hesitated to insult, hurt feelings, emotionally and physically threaten, and generally make the forum a MUCH less enjoyable place to post and read.

Tsiangkun · Post by **Tsiangkun** » 22 Mar 2007 14:01

shredzilla wrote:he offended me to such a high degree

give it rest bitchy.

brian relly · Post by **brian relly** » 22 Mar 2007 17:07

i never thought anything Dan said crossed the line. Most of it was pretty funny, and often true in a sense. He simply took advantage of internet nerds' (which is all most hacky sack players are anyway) insecurity and highly reactive nature to have a little fun. I thought Mills said a lot more retarded stuff during his little-girl tirade, and even he's the one who began arbitrarily posting again without any notice of apology or whatever shit. Not that I even care but it doesn't hurt to point out.

anyway, Dan, right on; i can respect it. it's nice to bring about a positive change in your life.

"DON'T WORRY BOUT THE HATERS, YOU CAN SHAKE THEY ASS /
WHEN THEY CAN'T GET THEY TASTE OF THE CAKE, THEY MAD /
AND THESE BACKPACKERS WANNA CONFUSE IT /
JUST CAUSE N*GGAS IS ICEY, AIN'T GOT NOTHIN TO DO WIT THE MUSIC /
SO HATER, MIND YA BIZ, AND GET YA OWN, YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS /
WE GET THAT GLOW / BETTER GET YA BITCH BEFORE WE HIT THAT DOE /
WE TOO SICK CUT CREW THICK LIKE WOOL /

YOU CAN RESPECT IT OR SUCK IT / I'M IN THE BOOTH, CHAINS SWINGIN /
SOUNDIN LIKE EXTRA PERCUSSION / I'M TELLIN' YA COUSIN, ROCK YA JEWELS /

JUST TO LET 'EM KNOW YOU AIN'T FRIENDLY / LET'S SPARKLE, BABY MAKE 'EM NV!!!!!!!!"

shredzilla · Post by **shredzilla** » 22 Mar 2007 17:41

Tsiangkun wrote:
shredzilla wrote:he offended me to such a high degree
give it rest bitchy.

Hey, I'm closer now. We should get up and kick sometime.

SKB: I realize Dan didn't offend most other people. I'm sure I'm just some old man in a rocking chair when I say that the comments bainbridge said were nothing short of atrocious, but that's because YOU are jaded. Just cuz you're used to hearing crap your entire childhood and you have no problem with people that constantly disrespect others, doesn't make it right Stephen.

BainbridgeShred · Post by **BainbridgeShred** » 23 Mar 2007 07:29

I think maybe you should go back for another 35 days, because you obviously missed the entire point...

The point of rehab was to learn how to save myself from myself, not to learn how to make amends to the people whose lives I've hurt. Amends is part of the process that will save my life, and AA is a selfish program as the Big Book says, so the point of this thread isn't to brighten peoples lives or go on with lengthy sorry's, because like I said, I'm no where near step eight. Plus, the damage I did to peoples lives on here is nowhere near what I did IRL. That's like comparing a firecracker to a hydrogren bomb.

Shredzilla, if I knew you wanted a personal apology, I would've sent you one, but I don't ever remember singling you out on here more than anyone else. Also, don't pretend that my apology was worthles or the easy way out, because the emotions it brought up in you proves the contrary. Do not be upset that I have learned the err in my ways, and am making tremendous strides every single waking hour towards becoming a better person. Even for non-addicts, the 12 steps are an amazing process that can change your live in ways unbelieveable. So, when I do arrive at step eight, everyone I think I've harmed will get a personal apology, including you Chris. Until then, I will refrain from step jumping, but you can know this Chris, I feel very sorry for the way I acted on here.

Thanks to the people who said they thought I was funny and didn't cross the line ect, and I think you guys are fortunate to not have a gravely serious disposistion. The fact is though, my behaviours on here and moreso in the real world reflected a deep seeded self-resentment, depression, an inferiority complex. That's right, the 2nd team Lacrosse All-American puke and rallier was depressed, childish and self-concious. The fact is, every day that I stay sober, it's impossible to describe the feelings that are immideatly returning to me. Whereas my old self-confidence was a front, I am now filled with it genuinely. Whereas my kindness use to come only when intoxicated, I am now finding ways to help others simply for the want to. In that way, I look at my old self as something of a clown, having to wear makeup on my face to put of a facade of happiness, while causing havoc and hilarity, whilst underneath it is a simple defense mechanism. A clown is a very fitting metaphor for who I was only 35 days ago. Also, I don't pretend to be a Boddhisattva or anything, but damn it feels like that's where I'm headed!

"I swing like Peter Parker, I walk like Jonny Walker
Some cats say 'Welcome back man' like I was Mr. Carter"

Switch Kicker · Post by **Switch Kicker** » 23 Mar 2007 07:44

slapdash21 wrote:you know its bound to be a good thread when dan feary starts it and chris miller and switch kicker have both already posted on the first page.

I lol'd.

And Dan, I understand that it's for you, not for us. But you missed the point, because you are taking the easy way out, a shortcut. Which will make the whole thing fall apart, and you'll just become the same peice of shit you were (Maybe still are?), or even worse.

Basically, if you truely are trying to better yourself, then you're doing it the wrong way. AA only works if you are committed to doing it the right way, and it most certainly doesn't look that way.

And I jsut get the idea that... you're a hindu or something like that now... Sounds like, "enlightened" speech or something. Like you're trying to hard or something. It's not natural. I actually veiw it as somewhat snobbish when people talk like that. IDK, my opinion.

But hey, at least you're trying, right?