Questions for Dr. Laura

brian relly · Post by **brian relly** » 09 Sep 2004 14:09

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to
people who call in to her radio show. Recently she said that
homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22,
and cannot be condoned under any circumstances. The
following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which
was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with
as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly
states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord -- Lev. 1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for
her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness -- Lev. 15:19-24. The problem is, how do
I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of
mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination -- Lev. 11:10-- it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble
of getting the whole town together to stone them? -- Lev.24:10-16.
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do
with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you
can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

Iain · Post by **Iain** » 09 Sep 2004 16:08

i really hope this guy doesn't live near me or i'm gonna be dead about 20 times over.

nice find.

Muffinman · Post by **Muffinman** » 09 Sep 2004 16:39

That was hilarious

Thanks Stephen

HG · Post by HG » 09 Sep 2004 17:59

very very nice letter, i love how it just completely rips on her

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
just ask kramer for his opinion

bigdirtyfoot · Post by **bigdirtyfoot** » 09 Sep 2004 18:00

Very highly appreciated.

MegaFighter_X · Post by **MegaFighter_X** » 09 Sep 2004 20:38

I think I've seen it a couple times... still funny though...

C-Fan · Post by **C-Fan** » 09 Sep 2004 20:58

Are those bible references really true? If so, that`s great. Kinda reminds me of the Simpsons episode where marge goes to Reverend Lovejoy with some religious dilemna because of some bible passage, and Lovejoy tells her not to worry, because there`s even passages in the bible that say its a sin to go to the bathroom.

Edit: http://mindprod.com/kjv/Leviticus/index.html

mosher · Post by **mosher** » 09 Sep 2004 21:02

I greatly dislike fucking idiots.

Good show.

crazydwarf · Post by **crazydwarf** » 10 Sep 2004 20:14

Yeh the bible does say stuff like that, but most of it/ all of it is in the old testament, and in the new testament Jesus comes and pretty much says, "you don't need any of that stuff, because I will be perfect for you so you can get to heaven." so yeh... good letter though.

Iron Clad Ben · Post by **Iron Clad Ben** » 24 Sep 2007 13:36

Just found this on another forum. Hilarious.

Slowsis · Post by **Slowsis** » 25 Sep 2007 12:31

18:21
And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through the fire to Molech, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the LORD.

Awwww.....no spunk burning.

Guest_1 · Post by **Guest_1** » 26 Sep 2007 05:50

Wu_ · Post by **Wu_** » 27 Sep 2007 11:31

20:2 ...he shall surely be put to death: the people of the land shall stone him with stones.

...apple him with apples!!!

gMoney · Post by **gMoney** » 27 Sep 2007 19:10

I'd love to hear how she would respond to that.

Blue_turnip · Post by **Blue_turnip** » 28 Sep 2007 00:39

gMoney wrote:I'd love to hear how she would respond to that.

Definately. God what a fuckwit.