**I almost don’t want to post this and just PM it to a few people, writing your thoughts down is pretty therapeutic in itself... anyway congrats you get to get a look into my mind, not many people get that privilege**
I have not played footbag, for real, in like a month. I’ve played maybe 2 times. Including the Cornell Jam, at which I was really disheartened by my showing in the intermediate circle comp. God it was awful, I literally could not do a clipper. Where a month ago I was doing Paradox mirages bsos, and like 10+ clippers on my weak side... I have to start schooling again...
Coincidentally a few of my friends from NYU were up at Cornell that weekend, I was kind of wavering whether I should go to the juggling show with guys I rarely ever get to see (Including Ken) or go out with guys I see every week at school. But after the circle comp and not feeling good about footbag I went out with my friends from school and got plastered. I got back to the house, don’t remember much of it... passed out... woke up and me Bruce and Ken David went home, without even a second thought...

WTF is that... didn’t say bye to ken or anybody, just got breakfast (luckily saw a few people there) and then bounced.
I'm pretty sure my tournament record thus far has been less than spectacular. I'm pretty much always stressing about something, which I guess leads to me getting wasted and not giving the best impression of myself... I need to work on that...
Is it bad that all the work I'm putting into this tournament, is turning me off from footbag... ugh. Don’t get me wrong I am very excited for this tournament and I really think this is going to be an event to remember... but I am more excited to not think/ stress about footbag for a short maybe long while after this tourney. Which sucks, but its true... I'm tired, these 2 or 3 months have been draining. I don’t even want to play this weekend, just run the tourney, make sure everyone is taken care of, make sure they enjoy NYC and make sure we get everything we need to shoot for the documentary... oh and the Washington Square News doesn’t write anything bad about us... I'm not sure if they would do that, ok correction I know
they would do that. I don’t think this particular reporter would do that, she seems pretty nice, either way it has been sitting in the back of my mind since they interviewed me.
I have soo much more to say but I really think this covers everything that I care to talk about right now.
Actually one more comment... I don’t think I like the fact that we are sponsoring players to come to this event... I don’t think I would mind it so much if I didn’t feel like they wouldnt come otherwise.
A comment was made when I was first trying to get this together, to the extent of "no one knows who you are, no ones going to come to your event" something of that nature. I really did not appreciate that... but on some level its true. I don’t even think many of the people who know me, "know me".
It seems like rather than friendships here, i'm running a business or creating business relationships with some people. Acting as their agent... trying to get them gigs... I have the "NY Footbag All-Stars" doing a variety show in Brooklyn the weekend after the event, instinctually I want to write here the name of the event and promote it, but I'm not going to.
I guess part of that has to do with growing up/ but I need to separate "business time" and "social time" and I really don’t know how to do that yet. I constantly check my emails/ I got a palm treo so I could do it, I'm not comfortable being away from email. I go to sleep thinking about my projects and I wake up thinking about my projects... I got to parties thinking about projects... I go on vacation... I think about my projects... Not good at all...