Beowulf
I saw Beowulf last night.
I expected it to be terrible, but my brother said it was great, so I gave it a chance. It was actually SPECTACULAR! I think I tried to read the book some years ago, but it was quite slow, or something. Makes me want to watch the other movie, Beowulf and Grendel, though. I started watching that, like, a year or two ago, and it was also a little slow, but did show promise.
Ranting about work and life
So I was helping my uncle at his coffee shop over Christmas, to make some money. That was comfortable, though I abhor the company. I will still work Sundays for a while until he has someone trained well enough to open by themselves.
Now I left because I said I wanted to continue taking calls from the School Division, with whom I've been employed for a couple years as a substitute Educational Assistant and also a substitute Clerk. I make about twice as much money there, so that's neato. It's stressful, though, which is why I stopped working there in the first place (I'm on call, so I can work as much or as little as I want, which is helpful). So I was called today, but I was so nervous, and sleep-deprived, and stressed that I just ignored all 4 calls (from an automated system... although I did also miss a call from the head of the substitute roster).
It's hard for me to be motivated and get off my ass and do stuff. I had my appointment with my family physician about my depression on Monday. He seemed confident in his ability to help me, since I have a family history, and he's had results from treating family members. He also said that I seem to have a good head about myself with which I have been able to sufficiently cope over the years and kind of more or less maintain a level of stability. Afterwards it kind of seemed like the kind of thing someone says to you to make you feel better about yourself. I dunno.
But yeah, so he said there is medicine and there is seeing a psychiatrist. I said I'd rather avoid medicine if possible. I'm not really sure why. I guess there's that stereotype about people relying on it, and stuff, and I dunno. So I said I'd really prefer therapy. So he said to think about the medicine, but that he will make an appointment for me with a psychiatrist for in about a month. So that's exciting. I guess this person will determine whether I am able to "fix myself" by will, and by talking to someone, or whether I need medication. My doctor also said that it's now believed that depression is a physical ailment and that parts of the brain actually shrink, and so sometimes medicine is the only cure. Of course that's not 100%, but I guess the popular theory in the field right now.
So yeah. Bleh.
I just want to get this first day of work over with so that I don't worry about it as much and can just go and make some money already. It's most stressful because I am on call, so... I never know when (or if) I will be called. Sometimes it's at 6 in the morning, sometimes it's at 10 (and the other day I got an unknown call at 12:44, which could have been the computer...). So I'm called, and for instance, it could be 10 and the computer will ask if I will sub at a school for an EA who was supposed to start at 9... So already I'm late. Then I have to figure out where the heck in the city the school is, how to take the bus there, and transfer, and when they connect, and how long it will take. And every night I need to get to bed, assuming that I will be called at 6, and have a lunch ready, and all of my clothes and everything all ready to just go. So yeah. Stressful; not my bag. But I wanna try it out. And hopefully get a term soon, where I will work in one place for a longer period, like.. a week, or even a few months. That's the one thing I like about this job, is the terms. They're usually really laid back.
Some nicer stuff
I guess, on a more positive note, I've been working on this drawing for Marita that I'm digging. And reading. And my brother gave me Half Life 2, which I've been playing a bit of. I have so many hobbies I feel like I never have time for them all. It feels good to be drawing and not being frustrated by it. We'll see how that goes when I'm finished this drawing. It's going pretty slow, and I'm not really being too creative. Anyway I also just stationary biked for a while again and stretched and stuff, and that was nice. I think I'm going to try to bike 15 minutes a day at my ideal heart rate, or whatever. We have this rad bike that kind of keeps track of that stuff, and fluctuates the difficulty and everything. So I bike at about 26 km/h, with a heart rate of 150-160 (beats per minute? Dunno...). I have to wear my knee braces, 'cause it's a bit rough on my knees going that hard for so long.
I am sooooo excited for shred on Saturday. I simply cannot wait. I hope we get to play with Andrew though.
Here's that drawing I'm working on.
