Jay's Blog.

[sidekick]

Damn son!

And sticking your blenders cross body isn't bad, I just choose to do it differently Keep on Keepin' on brother man!

[jay7]

I must say, I'm overwhelmed. Back to reality I guess, from what I would like to truly title the best New Years vacation I have ever had.

It is currently 2 PM, and I am dead tired, from the trip home which started at 5:00 am yesterday. I feel as if I should just plod through my day to return to a normal sleep pattern, and I think I could accomplish such a feat by writing a lengthy writeup about my Finnish Experience. So, here we go, with the portion that is directly related to my stay with The Accelerator.

December 26.

Christmas was rather, gray. My mind was set on Footbag mode, so, to think about Santa and Turkey just didn't cut the mustard. Waking up on December 26 however, was rather like a newborn trying a sour candy for the first time, having new senses never awoken be tingled at by a powerful gesture. I had only to wait until 3:00 pm to get to the airport, and 6:00 to start flying to London, where I would meet the clan of people who ran my nation for a little while.

I had a different approach to this flight, than other flights. IN the past, I have had an ipod jammed with Footbag videos, and wasn't afraid to view each one of them. However, this time, I figured I'd sit back and think about Footbag instead. I was about to be in the same space as an Accelerator for 3 days, and I didn't want to show up and tell him how badass his laces look, or talk about how tight those dexes are. My mind came to the conclusion, that instead of thinking about possible situations and what I'd do, that it would be better if I just let the moments come as they would, and deal with them.

December 27.

So, I arrive at 5:00 am in London, and the site seeing I accomplished was vaguely trying to make out the dark images and lights on perhaps famous buildings. For someone who has the queen's picture spread across money in one's wallet, I think I should have probably had more respect for the nation, but the overwhelming fury of 7 year old whining British kids just made me never want to go to England.

I want to describe to you, using someone elses work, how I felt in that airport. Skip to 5:13 of this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AmF11mZ ... re=related

I felt as if I would be a large poser if I bought Tea in England, even though I likely would have fancied drinking one, so, I decided to face my biggest dilemma. In Canadia, we call little round pieces of bread "English Muffins" as seen here. . But, then, what do they call muffins? Just, muffins? I could just see what the confusion would do to a small child if they asked me the question of what they call them. So, I asked for the small breakfast sandwich, enclosed by an English Muffin, and asked what the called the bread. They lady looked at me, and almost snarled/snorted/whatevered, and never answered my question. I am here before you today, without a question to the child I bear who asks me about the English Muffin. Vittu. And don't lie to me yahoo answers, Crumpets != English muffins.

After watching some propaganda and Media vomit on the television for a few hours, while stitching a bag, I only overheard little children yelling at their parents. I moved from spot to spot around the airport, and all there was, was BBC News telling me airports were under high alert (which they weren't) and children yelling at their parents. I boarded my next aircraft, and was glad to be out of the country which allowed Mole People to yell at their superiors. More glad than that, was that I would see the desktop picture (Turku Church) of my computer for the last few months, in a few hours. I was to land in Helsinki-Vantaa, an airport which has a spa, and assumedly Sauna's in there, and less Mole Children. Actually, screw this, I'm linking a picture that resembles the children in England, under the age of 9. All of them, male or female. http://i33.tinypic.com/2821i6d.jpg . Dear Matt Bailey, I feel sorry for you, and am glad you morphed into your new physical form from that creature.

Once I arrived at the airport, I picked up my instructions from Anssi, which I acquired 2 days prior. We had a conversation on MSN about how I would get to his house, and for reading material on how to speak proper English, I just printed it out. Following his directions, and speaking to a very cute Finnish Girl, I boarded the correct bus, where the driver handles your luggage, even when you switch buses. +2 points for Finland, for cute girls and desirable bus services. The girl was with her friend, and occasionally translated what the driver said on the PA system, or when we had to transfer buses. Without her, I suppose I could have got to Anssi's bus stop alive, but, she certainly made it a lot less stress filled. After driving through Espoo, home of the Airinen's, and eventually switching buses in (Salo?), I drove by the church. I knew I was in the right town, because I saw kebab restaurants all around, and I saw the church that has embedded itself within my eyes for the last months standing right before me. I wanted to giggle like a school girl, but, I would save that for when I was alone.

Dark already, as I arrived at perhaps 5:00 pm in Turku, I met none other than Antti, and Anssi. Antti is, a footbagger who never does solo sessions, but has been in the Turku Footbag scene for much longer than I have dreamed of seeing it. Here was the man who co-hosted the "Anz stretch tips video", right before my feet, which, stood ontop of compact snow and gravel. Apparently in Finlandland, tires have spikes, and roads have no salt, during the wintertime. Sometimes the help pedestrians and drivers by spreading gravel around, which they later clean up in the spring. Eco-Friendly, tallying 3 points for Finland. I was tempted to offer to buy the bus-girl Kebab or something, but you the reader, and I both know I don't have the confidence to do something like that. No hug, no anything really, just an honest thank you and weary, desperate thoughts behind my eyes as I departed from the bus toward the rounded entrance of the Turku bus station. But hell, I got over her quite quickly, when I realized that my BAP senses were tingling. The Accelerator accelerated toward me, handshake/hug was exchanged, and I met Antti. We walked through some streets that would later become quite familiar to me, as we dropped off my luggage in Antti's girlfriends Toyota, and headed over to a "Milan" Kebab restaurant. Here was to be my first Finnish cuisine, in the truest and most sensible form of it all. I had all the major food groups, at hand...Kebab, the Kebab meat, the Kebab fries, the Kebab salad, and the Kebab dressing. I'm going to assume that is a fifth dimension of Kebab, which comprises the first four dimensions into one, so that mathematically speaking, it's more efficient to eat.

I got the "spicy" version, but apparently spicy and Finland are words that don't go together. To get to the point, spicy doesn't exist in Finland. Later, I would find out, that Scandinavia in general is voted the least culturally exciting in terms of food, according to some show. Seeing as there was, only the fifth dimension of Kebab as my food group for the time I spent there, I could not care less. One bite after another, the Kebab^5 entered my stomach, and we spoke of the city itself, and more importantly, Footbag. Another cultural fact of Finlandland, is that at Kebab restaurants you can order water for free, and just walk over to a Fridge and pick up a pitcher of it, to share amongst friends. The ketchup brand in Finland is Felix. Sadly, I never spread Felix over anything though. Feh-lix.

After a drive to Anssi's house, courtesy of Antti, I got to see why Turku is on the map. In some sub-section of Turku, there is a set of stairs embedded within one household that demonstrate the beauty of the beast. To get to Anssi's bedroom, you must ascend a SPIRAL, WOODEN FUCKING staircase. That is right my friends. You turn 180 degree going up those stairs, dancing all the way. At this time, Anssi's hair wasn't footbagged, so, he didn't have Dragon mode on. I'll come to this later, if I remember. I met Esa and Merja, and was exposed to their English, which was unique. They seemed glad to host me, which was nice considering I invaded their residence during the holiday days. Not wanting to do something stupid and injure myself the first day, Anssi and I agreed that we shouldn't play in his shed, and instead watch other people play on his computer. This would turn out to be a trip that, somehow, involved even MORE shred-footage than I usually watch on a weekly basis, which is a good amount. I'd say, on average, I watch 30 minutes of footage per day, and that was Child's play in comparison to what Finland had in store for me.

December 28

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbLuWciXFcM . This song didn't play when I woke up, but, I had an inner tape of it playing. Somehow, Jetlag just happened to fly right over me and not affect my trip, which was dandy. Anssi's Shed takes ~1 hour to heat up enough so that it is playable, so, we had to plan some parts of our day around the shred so that we wouldn't waste any resources. I was exposed to 4 new things at Breakfast this day. 1.) In Finland, there is Night Milk, and Day Milk.
2.) In Finland, they have, rye bread, that is Ryer than any bread anywhere else.
3.) They also have, a weird hybrid between Bread Crust and Crackers, which you eat for breakfast.
4.) Finland eats small breakfasts, not gargantuan North American ones.

After an assortment of juices and some bread, I think it was planned that Anssi and I would shred in the shred shed, and then hang out with Antti and Anssi's old highschool friends later that night. We played footbag for 2.5 hours, trying drills from our Challenge lists. Anssi hit a large drill, I think 12 contacts long, fairy ducking torques, and I forget exactly what else. I however, hit shit all. I just cleaned off the link of tomahawk->tombstone, and revealed to Anssi that I am definitely not a "Canadian Footbag Wizard", as described by Tuukka in an NYJ pre-write up. I have a drill Byrin gave me, which is 16 contacts (4 contacts repeated) that involves toe whirls. Now, I have been hiding from the world for a very long time, through sheepish action, that Whirls are my nemesis. Especially toe whirls. Pixie whirls are fine, but fucking toe whirls are just evil bastards. He scoffed at me when I announced that the drill would be hard for me, since it only involved blur, blizzard, and toe whirls. I showed him, for the rest of the session, how impossible it was for me to hit the 16 contacts. Again, another nemesis of mine, Blizzard. Blizzard is a hard trick for me, where as Bedwetter is easier, and more dialed. So, this fucking drill really just hammered a boulder into my balls, as I missed it over and over again. Fucking toe whirls. Groan. They are just scary, and I will leave my discussion of them at that. Ugh

After listening to "rrRrrradio RrrrrRRrock" [attempting to spell the Finnish R], and playing for quite some time we showered and whatnot. I always showered first, but I'm not sure why. Bathrooms in Finland are far more efficient that those in North America, on the whole. Instead of having a bathtub+shower, or just bathtub, or just shower, with a separate bin at your feet to collect water, tons of glass around you etc, in Finland they just have a tile floor, and a drain. So, When you don't use the shower, you have the 1x1 meter of floor space to look in the mirror and brush your teeth or whatever. Anyway, point being, Finnish bathrooms > American ones, so, Finland has now 5 points I believe. Now is where I got to see some great Finnish Pride. After showering and whatnot, we got to eat our Second dose of Kebab, at, shit, Nuumis? Either way, the closest Kebab place to Anssi's (probably 300 foot steps away) filled my heart with all it's desires of Kebab. This time, I got Kebab in the other fifth dimension, which is a big roll of all the ingredients in a thick tortilla type device. You could feed a hippo with this Kebab. 6 Euros of blisteringly large Kebab, unmanageable in one sitting by even Anssi. I got to see a snow covered setting of Anssi's "back from the dead" video just up the street from his house, which, accomplished one part of my goals in Finland, to see Finnish Footbag spots. I have an odd, fetish towards seeing Footbag spots, so when I watch the videos later I can like, appreciate them more.

So, we walked the 30 minute trek from Anssi's house to Antti's house. We went by the building where Felix's youtube Cheese Processor was filmed, which tickled my fancy. We went then into an RKioski, and bought Karhu, the Finnish word for Bear, which I suppose is a popular beer, and some fruit-gummy-candy as well. This day was especially icy, and slippery, which didn't seem to make me think walking with breakable glass, or walking later while under the influence was a good idea...Anssi assured me we would take the bus back to his house, for safety. As we waiting outside Antti's apartment, "Loon", "Monkey" and Antti came from across the street armed with the will to have some fun. Soon, would I learn my most important Finnish word, Kalsarikännit. We sat down and partook in an activity titled "Pre-drinking" although, I wasn't sure what we were pre-drinking for. If you've read this blog at all, you should probably be aware that drinking isn't my specialty, and, very very rarely do it. Seems to me that it is a waste of money, because, if you only want a few, then, why bother drinking, and if you want a lot, it costs a lot, and you get a hangover and it is more trouble than it is worth....Anyway, onward.

So, Anne, the Loon's former girlfriend, came shortly after to Antti's apartment. We discussed as a group, mostly in English, some similarities / differences between Canada and Finland, starting conversations, and ultimately making some dead baby jokes. God those are awkward jokes to tell, but oh-so-funny if you've got a deranged enough crowd before you. Girls in Finland finding dead baby jokes funny, equals a total of 6 points for Finland. Anyhow, now was the deciding factor in what we would do with our night. Ideally, or, safely, I would typically have just stayed put, and went home with nothing special done with my night. However, the options for what to do didn't include that, but they consisted of either going to eat, a bar, or a club. Through some random logic, I believe a club we could go to can be called MoFo's, even though it's name has something to do with monday and friday in Finnish, and then take monday and friday in English, add some o's, and voila...Mofo's. I can't say I truly understood the logic. Anyhow, we went to the bar first, sat down in a booth accompanied by a guy nicknamed Gaylord, losing Anne, and drank a few more beers there.

We got on the topic of learning English from movies and whatnot, describing how the Finn's typically learn from childrens cartoons and whatnot. While obviously a bit drunk, making everything funnier, Anssi pointed at Gaylord, who had not been speaking much at all, "And Gaylord has learned his English from Charlie Chaplin movies". The reference may not make sense, until you watch this clip of a Charlie Chaplin movie. http://www.metacafe.com/watch/376297/charlie_chaplin/ . But yeah, the Monkey and anyone who got the reference thought it was a great joke, and it stuck in my head until now. After some jokes, and just general discussion it was time to move on, and we headed to a club. This was to be my first experience going to a club, ever. I've seen them in movies, I've seen the bouncers on TV, I've seen my sisters get all dressed up for hours on end getting ready for them, but I've never actually understood what goes on inside. I suppose I was in for a real learning experience....Of some sort.

Oddly enough, the setting of this club, and I imagine all clubs, could easily be shown from the first 20 seconds of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLnWf1sQkjY , the "I jizzed in my pants" video. Just, tons of people, lights, loud music, females, drinks, and dancing. Walking through crowds, a bit of pushing, etc. So yeah, we sat down, and I was likely already 7 "doses" into my evening. Apparently Finnish people count alcohol by doses, starting a dose at a glass of beer. So, when you order another form of alcohol, it is equivalent to drinking that glass for beer, or an exact half of one if in the form of a shot. Until this point, I had no idea the prices that clubs charged for drinks, because I had obviously never been in one. One by one, Anssi's friends would offer to buy me a drink, or just hand me one, or whatever. At times, I would say "ok, I'll buy you one" and go to the bar, and just as I was about to pay another friend would buy it off me. As it turns out, I estimate I had 14 doses, and Anssi 18. A typical "finnish" standard is 12, for setting the bar at a decently crazy night. I bet any of you could imagine the awkardness, seeing as I have no idea how to dance, and at a club you aren't exactly supposed to sulk in the corner and not do anything but drink. I experimented a little bit, but never felt comfortable just, "grooving". Anssi on the other hand, 'Rocked the house'. I'll use the words "Bump 'n Grind" with a bit of BAP flair to describe how Anssi played the game. I'll never get the image out of my head, where I randomly walked through the dance floor, and saw Anssi half straddling some girl, beer in hand, singing, bending his knees almost to touching the ground while 'bouncing', and just having the time of his life, wearing a footbag sweater. Just like, the absolute definition of "Fuck Yeah", as said by Matt Cross.

We went to Antti's place, and played out the definition of Kalsarikännit. It was a blast. So much so, that Anssi forgot the Footbag sweater he was wearing when we arrived, and found it the next day out of sheer surprise.

I've told the story of Anssi just right outside the Marketplace of Turku, a few times, and am not sure if it should be published on the interweb for all to see. So, in the future, I hope I can recall the story by the words "He had perfect form,". Recall when I said "Anssi said we'd take a bus home"? Well, it was now 4:00 am, and buses don't run then. So, as we ambled through the safe streets of Turku, icy as hell, Anssi got the bright idea "Hey, this is taking forever, lets just run home" and began in a brisk jog down the street. It took me a second to realize it was actually happening, and we ran the 20 minute walk to his house, mostly drunk, and somehow didn't wipe out or die. I'm not sure how it worked out, but I'm glad it did.

December 29.

At some point during the last few paragraphs, the day actually changed to 29, but, I'll start writing 29 as if we woke up then.

I had heard, at one point in my life, that water is a nice cure for hangovers. So, the night before when we got back to Anssi's house, I downed the equivalent of alcohol I consumed with Water, and didn't feel too bad the next morning, displaying no serious signs of what people call a hangover. Today, was the official Kebab day of Turku for me. We woke up, and took the second halves of our Nuumie's Kebab and ate Kebab for Breakfast. I think I was like a little school girl, telling her parents about the first test she took or something, just all excited and explaining every event that happened...Because, all I talked about at Breakfast was the hilarious events from the night before, but Anssi didn't seem as impressed about everything as I did. I guess he's just done this a few times before . At 1:30, when Antti woke up finally, we went to his place to look at his bags he stitched *He learned from Felix, and they were the shit*, drank some Coffee, watched some Skiing, and had a pleasant time. We went shopping for some reason in the Turku centre, where I learned a bit more about the ways of Finland, got some Fiskar scissors with the word "Finland" on them *FUCK YEAH*, and a bottle of pop that had Smurfs on the front.

Inbetween shopping and whatnot, we went to City Kebab in downtown Turku, and had GRATUITOUS amounts of Kebab. Because our stomachs, livers, and brains were saying "You dumbshits, you abused me yesterday, so today I will abuse you" it was hard to finish the entire portion of kebab, Antti being the only successful one.

Antti didn't feel so good afterward, so, Anssi and I went back to the shed and played some wholesome footbag. He drank far less water than I did, so his session was a bit more, decelerated, but I just worked on some random stuff. I love sessioning with Anssi, because, we can drill and it is fine. With 99% of the rest of the population, you shred. I kind of like drilling more, on a daily basis, so it worked out for me. It became ever more apparent, that I need to get better at footbag faster, and with more direct goals in mind. For this reason, Anssi and I mapped out my next few months of shred session by session, so I come closer to becoming a Finn.

Oh to be a Finn.

December 30th.

Today, began with Anssi's mother making us a proper, non Kebab breakfast. Breads, cheeses, etc were there and it was awesome. However, Anssi's mother also mentioned that she had the day off, and would be available to take me site seeing if I had any interest. Anssi immediately said No, which was hilarious, but I figured why not, and somehow it weaseled it's way into seeing the sites of Turku. I think she enjoyed talking about everything, seeing the church where she got married, going to her old school, and also more traditional sites, so I didn't feel as if I was a burden to her. That made me feel better. Eventually Anssi and I were dropped off at the Sport Centre, marking another 100 Finnish Footbag videos that were made in the location, which could make the brain of a coma patient come to vibrant life. Anssi was trying some retarded drills, and I was trying some human level stuff, and failing I guess. None of the footage from the day was good enough to bother making a video out of, since we'd be playing much better at NYJ, so, I doubt that footage will see the light of day. Anssi hit a run with 7 triages, which was funny. I hit a nuclear combo, and that was about it for me..

AS the last full day in Turku, we had to seal the deal with some Kebab. We went to Ali Baba of Turku, and got what is the best Kebab in the entire world, with Fanta. Anssi explained to me the Nazi Origins of Fanta, which made me laugh a little bit about how silly it is. Here is where we began talking about real footbag, and how I could one day become a successful player if I improved some ways I train. Oh there is so much to do, and so much to think about. We didn't talk about this, but I think my Mental Game is a great barrier to progression, since things like toe whirls complicate the foundation of my being.

We analyzed, enjoyed, and relaxed watching shred videos, and I finished my bag for the Jam. We then had a nice Finnish meal, where I helped cut peaches for one of Anssi's favourite homemade dishes, some sweet Quark, as well as breads and meats. I actually really enjoyed this meal, since it was the only one that the Sundberg's had as a family. Seeing the people who manufactured Anssi, with him right beside them, was neat. It is a shame they didn't produce a small army of him..I'm not asking for much, just enough to invade Papua New Guinea or something. Anssi's mother continued to torture him, by showing me Baby Anssi pictures, to 9 year old Anssi pictures, to military pictures, etc. Little did she know how awesome it was to see the progression of a future source of Perpetual Energy. Will he solve the Energy crisis? I imagine so.

I was sad that the time I had to learn from the master was just about over, but also excited to Embrace NYJ, with the best players in the world. Sleeping for me was a bit more uneasy this night.

[mahhkohh]

3.30am and i cant sleep, so i just read that whole post... thanks jay

whats the nazi origin of fanta? now i wanna know, i was called a nazi that often the last 3 weeks, i somehow wanna know what i have to do with fanta now

also, after reading this, i think i should make a big culture clash blog post in my blog...

[jay7]

So yeah. Recently, I was writing a post about NYJ. I was two days into it, and firefox updated, and failed to keep the massive amount of writing on my screen in it's tab it re-opened for me. As you can see by the length of day 31, january 1st was also a lot of lost writing.

This too, makes me want to punch a tornado.

Ugh. Sorry if it takes me a while to get into the swing of things, but rewriting some of this will take some will take some willpower.

December 31.

*bobs head to Libertango, by Bond*

So, I suppose I would have woken up between Anssi's two guitars, one of which had a string break just as he played it on his bed, and between his computer desk. For those who don't recall seeing him shirtless, he has tattoos of two musical symbols seen at the beginning of music books, just under the horns on his shoulders. For those who don't know he has horns on his shoulders, you haven't been looking hard enough. By some genetic power of his parents, possibly the power stored in his Father's beard, he developed horns at the very peaks of his shoulders, furthering the dragon within. I promised in my last post I would elaborate upon the Dragon Hair theory, and now is as good a time as any.

Once upon a time, there were three great footbaggers, David Clavens, David, and Cleaver the Dragon. One day, when I first met David, his hair was shorter, and tucked under the protection of a DC hat, in Florida land 2007. Soon afterward, I met David Clavens, now BAP version, in Cornell in October with the growth of hair, but still not his final stage of evolution. He was hitting crazy stuff, but inside something was still stirring, he wasn't finished his quest. At NYJ to finish that year, he had harnessed the beast, and became Cleaver the Dragon. His hair sliced through the air, wooed women to and fro, and most importantly, looked like a fucking dragon.

While it is correct that Anssi does look intimidating with a shaved head, as seen at Worlds 2009, but there was a similar path of evolution towards NYJ a week ago, and the dragon within. Once a certain level of shred is reached, with such hair, the sweat just magically works itself into the position where it holds the hair in such a fashion.


We woke up around 9:00, so we had 3 hours to kill before the Train to Jyväskylä. It began with the Quark leftover from the night before, with peaches, Day Milk, and assorted breads and whatnot. If I remember correctly, his mother was to do Grocery shopping today, and requested knowledge as to what we might need. Anssi mentioned that we could use some Candy for the trainride, and his wish was granted with a flick of a wrist. This left us with little time to pack, but fortunately I needed only the time to pack the clothes his mother washed for me, just like she did for Kevin Regamey in 2008. There was some time where Anssi and I checked the internet, watched some footbag videos, but ultimately we were driven by his younger brother, Olli, the one who fancies Folk music and dancing, to the train station. Anssi had packed his Sick 3 Finalist worlds Champagne along for the trip, to enjoy on New Years Eve with the rest of the appropriate footbaggers, so his bag was rather cumbersome on the way to the station. Once my 43 euro ticket was purchased, and Anssi's half off ticket [lucky student] was in his pocket we trekked 4 blocks into the city to find a yellow banking machine.

Let me tell you, that bank machines in Finland must have some etiquette that I don't fully understand. You wait in line, and it takes the person in front of you literally 10 minutes to take money out. The person in front of you, inevitably is a female, and I think that the thoughts surging through her mind say something like this "HEAR ME ROAR, I HAVE THE POWER, I am the front of the line, you can wait until the fruits of your loins expire before I'm finished with this machine". For some unholy reason, females seem to take ages to take money out, where as me even the foreign kid, takes maximum 1 point 2 minutes to extract my funds. Some serious Tomfoolery going on here. How females always find their way to the front of the line, is beyond me.

At the train station, while waiting indoors in the grasp of the warm air, I noticed "The girl in white Jeans". When I wrote the first half of this post this morning, before it was stolen by Mozilla, I went to school and noticed 0% of the females I saw today wore white jeans. Anyway, the rare White Jean Girl of the Turku Train station, was a delightful one. Oddly cute. I commented on her to Anssi, after we left her earshot that I likely should have went to her, and said "I know Anssi Sundberg" and he concurred, that she obviously would have been all over me. I imagine, if I proposed to her, the thoughts in her mind *after powerfisting the thought of taking too long at bank machines* would have been "Anssi likely would be at the wedding, so yeah sure why not". I feel nice, knowing that I spend my time with Superstars like Johnny and Anssi. We borded the first car of the train, and sat in seats 49/50, accompanied by none other than an outlet that didn't give us electricity. We watched footage on his view-finder from the day before, in the sporthall. It was neat to see things, from myself, with a fresh perspective only based upon the day before. Such as my whirr, having dexes that literally couldn't be any bigger. I'm not sure where to go from here, with such a Whirr because it might look cool to be so huge, but things like whirring swirl would consume a whole lot more energy.

After the hour and a half of our shred on his camera, my mind got stirring of cool things to film while I potentially would have a large group of people at my disposal. Anssi and I came up with random ideas, such as a circle of 6 bap, only kicking, for 10 minutes, filming the joke of "How Many footbaggers does it take to screw in a lightbulb", literally "shredding" a footbag, and my personal favourite, Juho slowly, and gracefully eating his cake. Candles, soft music, furrowed eyebrows and a few 'coo' sounds from the Unicorn himself. You know you'd watch it happen, and like it. I then let Anssi know, my plan for meeting some of the finnish players. Since a select few of the Finn's are just, WAY to cool for school, I feel like I should buy them some sort of present. We discussed shortly what I should get them, but my mind was pretty much made up at the point I brought the idea up. Cake. As the sun went down, (note, it was a 3 hour train ride and we let at ~12:00) it began to feel like it would truly be New Years Jam, and before I knew it Tuukka's Puppy Dog Eyes were staring right through the train cars window penetrating my love for footbag. The man accompanying Tuukka was Janne, the guy who was hitting flurries in BOTS, and was hitting Triage bsos a week ago. Not the most popular Finnish shredder in terms of modified, but he can surely kick with his light blue lavers. After Tuukka received his props from me, he took my bag like the polite man he was, and inserted it within the bowels of his car. We would have to make a pitstop at the apartment to drop off Anssi and I's things, because the Govner would be arriving at the Jyväskylä airport. We exchanged a Janne for a Ville at the apartment, who only wears Gunit G6 shoes during the summer time, (because he can), and headed to a green coloured shopping center, to equip ourselves with the tools necessary for the remainder of the weekend...This is where, I had to bring up to Ville "So,..Where do you buy cakes here?" and went through the awkward sequence of explaining that I want to buy some cakes for people, because they deserve it.

After some discussion that 3 cakes at 15 euros a piece would be stupid, I decided that 2 cakes would be satisfactory. One Mango style cake, and one Strawberry flavoured cake later, some Chips for Anssi, some Liver Box for Ville, and I think only a single beer for Tuukka and we had our supplies. After standing in lines that represented New Years eve to it's fullest, and eventually checking out we started walking to the cars, accidentally walked past where we parked, re-walked to the cars, and went to see the Govner. It seemed that the Finn's had a big, desire to be punctual, since it seemed to be imperative that we arrive at the airport terminal where Matt was exactly when he landed, and not 2 seconds late. So we drove across the vastly different landscape of Finland, consisting of trees, and more trees, and a few more trees, we finally arrived at the Jyväskylä airport, which, was the size of a highschool cafeteria. The first thing that Matt commented on toward Anssi, was the little tuffs of hair coming from underneath his Beenie, Toque, or "Pipo" as said in Finnish. Instantly the dragon reference came to mind, but I figured it'd be safer not to disclose those thoughts in such a, public, place. The mode of the conversation for Matt was more or less the difference in Finland vs, anything he'd seen before, which is common to anyone's introduction to a new country I suppose. TO bring a little more awkward tension into the mix, some Dead Baby jokes were thrown around in poor taste, and a few Chuck Norris ones as well.

It was now time to dine at the Jyväskylä version of Ali Baba, which, contrary to popular belief has absolutely no ties to the luscious meat, fries, and rice that Turku's Ali Baba has. This spot, although having great pasta, decent pizza and mildly satisfying Kebab, took about an hour to serve us our food on that night. It could be for multiple reasons, but Matt and I both felt it was because of the confusion of us Speaking english or something. It seemed just that the reason it took so long, is they were busy spitting on our food or something.



Just so you guys at home have an idea of what I speak of when I say Kebab. Pronounced "KAY-Bob", because Anssi said so. When we walked in our herd of people past the Grill, named " grille " outside the apartment, up the four flights of stairs, and into the apartment it was time for some serious shred videos to be watched. Tuukka had told me, earlier in the month, that two things I had coming to me was related to watching TONS of shred videos, and also that I had to bring me bathing suite to find out what the second one was. He wasn't kidding, for, the Jyväskylä footbag club has THE MOST shred videos I've ever seen. Basically every VHS and DVD there is, along with Tuukka's hard drive which has basically every good online video ever made. Watching pre-1999 shred, was a real treat. Ville, Janne and Tuukka explained how they watched these 4 hour VHS tapes over and over before sessions for years, knowing all the songs (propellerheads anyone?) and in what sequence they would come, and how in order to watch these videos they had to convert it from N.American format to PAL, and after watching the videos 1000's of times, the quality was so bad you couldn't tell if there were "special" effects or not...Even though, at that time, a special effect was text on the screen.

Sauna. Finnish people = Sauna. Sauna Sauna Sauna. To set the mood, people like Matt Bailey and Jay Boychuk come from societies based upon extreme uncomfort when dealing with Nudity among men. When you're stuck in a hot, steamy room full of people you know and admire, while basically pressed up against them fully nude, is just an entirely different situation. Like hell, in Canadia, grade 9 Gym class we had 2 weeks where it was hot enough we had to take showers before returning to regular classes. I literally biked home, which took 10 minutes at fast speeds, showered there, and biked back 20 minutes so I wouldn't sweat all over the place, and came late to french class. It was just awkward enough, that a lot of people did that. So, when Tuukka invited Matt and I into the Sauna, we both bonded in awkwardness and declined, knowing that the worst was yet to come. We watched some more 1999 shred, with some surprisingly hard combos, but, typically terrible form and style, and awaited the other folks to be done with the Sauna. Little did we both know, Finn's typically go for multiple rounds of Sauna, so, 20 minutes later we were invited again, this time accompanied by peer pressure, and it would pretty much be plain rude to decline again....

To not go much further, I could say that there are no secrets between any of the Finnish crew, British crew, and I at all anymore. I must say, however, it was pretty Liberating. After having the pent up unconfidence due to any situation before in my life, and the entire Culture I'm in bringing this kind of thing to an irritable warzone, to, well, just do it was nice. Of course, "just doing it" with people who are so beyond awkwardness was an icebreaker, which probably helped the matter. Either way, I've noticed an, odd sense of a bit more confidence in people decisions since then, which is odd. Like, today for example, I was waiting for five minutes as I arrived early for class. There was a bench, with room for only four people. There was one girl at the end, and a couple at the other end. For the last 19 years of my life, I'd stand up because it'd be awkward to sit inbetween the two groups, but, now I just somewhat instinctively sat there, no second thoughts. No thoughts of what they thought of me, whether they'd care if I was there, or what have you... I just..sat there.

Finland +1.

After that was said an done, there was a shift in the air pressure within the apartment. The lights flickered, and while I was in the bathroom I think the toilet water started flushing the other direction for a minute. Something was up, it was eerie. If this was in the matrix movies, the equivalent to one of their "EMP"'s just went off, and screwed up the way of life as I knew it. I washed my hands, threw some salt over my shoulder, and opened the door of the bathroom to face my fears. What was this new presence? What could have caused such devastation? The answer, as I opened the door was Clear. Toni, THE BEAST, had arrived. Collared shirt, nice jeans, slick hairdo, politically correct posture, black and white adidas three stripe shoes, and a perfect set of teeth was in the doorway. My calling had come, I now knew what my purpose in life was to do. I reached into my pocket, jostled around some items, forgot my priorities, gave Toni MULTIPLE series of props, went back to my pocket, and gave him the bag I made for the tournament. It was so obvious that he deserved it, I don't know how I didn't see it before. He seemed to like the bag, but you can never be sure when you give someone a gift if they are simply being respectful and saying it is good. The Beauty, the Girlfriend of the beast, was also in attendance. I didn't speak much to her throughout the Jam, which I felt a little weird about, but I'm sure she felt a little weird about me nearly groping her boyfriend trying to give him props too. I wish I could give props in the form of monetary value, because, I don't think the value of a prop is the same in my mind, as in the rest of the world's mind. Like, I'm basically saying "You're fucking pimp, and you should know that". Like, if I waltzed up to Toni and said "Here's $1000", he'd probably get the message that "Hey, I'm pimp enough to get money", but with props, people seem to usually take it almost as a joke. On the contrary my friends, it is serious business.

More shred, was then watched I do believe. At this time, news got in that baby Juho was going to be working, and wouldn't arrive on time. Clocks skipped on minute in silence, for this event.

At this point, the people started flooding in. The Espoo Crew packed into the house, Lauri, Aleksi, Samu, Tuomas, and it really started feeling like a jam. Conversations went here and there, hello's goodbyes and whatever else, but since I'm not exactly finnish I can't elaborate on all that was said. At this point, there were also rumours that Felix might be coming to NYJ, and then clocks skipped forward one minute in anticipation. The faster they went, the closer they'd be to Baby Felix. My destiny was then laid out on the table before me, one cake for Juho, and one for Felix. For now however, we had plans to go out for the evening and celebrate.

The first club we tried to get into, was packed so they upped the age limit to 20, busting Samu, Lauri and I out of the game. Toni was the first in line, so he actually paid and got in, before he knew that the rest of the crew wasn't allowed. Tuukka wasn't aware of this, and when he directed us toward the other club Toni was left alone in the other club. We then walked briskly toward the fireworks to enjoy the -25 degree C weather and drunken people in the street. After the official new year, some random chick walked up to me, muttered something in finnish and put her hand out. I gave her the "Mitä Vittu" stare, and after an awkward second shook her hand. Apparently she said happy new year, and I looked at her like she had a coathanger lodged within her brain. I then witnessed Tuomas publicly pissing on the side of a wall.
Finland +2
Once the visual stimulation of fireworks was over, we decided to get into another, less busy club. With the use of Tuukka's sister's Friend, we entered the club despite the age 20 rule, and while waiting to get in Ville randomly saw none other than Mr. Jere, the "n...." Vainikka just roaming the street, walking to the club we initially weren't allowed into. Reason number seven to move to Finland, so you can see such things as a Smooth Criminal just walking down the street, unplanned. After paying for the fine people to hang your coat up (which, seems ridiculous to be compulsory) we walked into the bar, and situated ourselves like fine footbaggers around a table, awaiting the night to truly begin. Here officially ends, December 31 2009.

Day 2,3,4 to come.

[jay7]

January First, Two Thousand and 10.

After you walked, cautiously into the bar there was some slight security protecting the "VIP" room, which I too, thought was funny. Again, having this be the second time in my life entering a "club", I wasn't aware that there ACTUALLY was VIP rooms like in the movies. Even in the movies, the VIP rooms seem lame, so it was odd to see people actually paid for that kind of thing. I guess the "VIP" idea is that you don't see what they were doing, but I was still slightly curious to see what they were doing in there, and the doors did not reveal any coke mountains or fat dudes with guns.

As we walked in, I could instantly see that this bar had a bit more "going on" than the bar Anssi and I attended earlier. More lights, more staircases and private booths, but the bartenders seemed far less busy, which was odd. After some awkward standing around, pretending to smile and enjoy yourself because no one knows what to do yet, as always seems to happen in these situations. I decided that drinking would be a stupid idea, not only because it is a colossal waste of funds, that could easily pay for, anything else, but because I had a bit more priority towards shredding well this weekend than having a good time with alcohol. I prepared myself for a night of, sobriety and misunderstandings ahead.

It seemed that Tuukka's Sister's Friend, now abbreviated as TSF, was charming towards all the guys there. In a loud club, when we finally went to sit down I figured it would likely be the best approach to sit near Bailey, because it would be much more interesting to shout english at eachother than with a Finn. I remarked, that if TSF didn't mount Anssi like a lion by the end of the night, I'd be surprised. Anssi was in the corner of the table, sitting there, literally looking "cool". Turns out, he didn't want to drink either, so he could play footbag well. I suppose it is a very obvious conclusion that hangover+shred doesn't work together, but it had been the first time I ever considered the fact, so it was interesting to see others approached life in a similar manner. At this point, Tuomas, who had earlier been pissing on a wall, had already consumed enough alcohol to dance like a true Finn. The song "sexy chick" came on, and he actually looked like he was having the time of his life, sitting down. Complete head movements, powerful fist thrusts like the arms of a steam engine, This is the state that, I have always secretely wanted to be able to indulge myself within, but, have never been able to get to. Like at the Anssi+Monkey+Loon MoFo bar, on the dance floor I attempted several times to just, let myself go but my conscious just didn't allow it to happen. I'm also not willing to consume enough alcohol that my conscious would no longer exist, so I suppose I'm doomed to a life of enjoying the simpler things in life way too much, like Kebab and Footbag.

Soon enough, the word was out. Jere, the smooth criminal, was switching from his old bar to ours, to hang out with the clan of footbaggers. I can't recall the name now, I'll call him "BlondeFinn" was also with him, with a female apiece. It didn't surprise me that Jere would stroll in with a woman under his arm, I'm sure if it were legal he'd also be chugging on 3 cigars and cackle like the penguin. I think it would be too far for him to cackle like Goldberg in Champions League when he first embraces his Red Lavers, because Jere probably has a more pimp, and super elite cool era to him, but anyway. His face was more, strong, that what it had shown in the videos. A jaw that just said "I could eat you, don't start getting any ideas you pirate". So yeah, I felt compelled to thank the man who gave me and the rest of the world many a Jupe video, and many other awesome videos without little Juho. So, I went to the bar, and purchased the man a beer, which came to something stupid like 4,80 Euros. It was still worth it. It was really just too loud to try and have a conversation with him, so I skidaddled away once he had said thanks, and went back to warming the seat cushions in our booth. This time, my seat was taken, but luckily some people went to go dance, and suddenly it was Anssi, just, being a boss in the corner, and my side of the table was completely free. Embracing the opportunity for no one to see that I was bored out of my skull, I could just relax and think about nothing. I guess this is just a paragraph full of complaints, but I suppose a blog entry is supposed to communicate the thoughts and events of a day, to the rest of the world so I'll continue with another thought process. I feel bad at bars and whatnot, when I'm just, sitting there waiting for it to be over, because when someone sees you just sitting there, they typically ask you to go dance, go get a drink, karaoke, or what have you. I'm thankful for their efforts, but usually the reason I'm sitting there is the enjoyment I get out of sitting there is higher than the uncomfort, and awkward feelings toward actually doing something. So, I sit there

Sexy sexy sexy sexy chick.. Tuomas was SO into it. +1 for Finland.

Eventually some people came back up from dancing, and it seemed as if Dear TSF was getting quite cozy with the Govner. This made me wonder what thoughts went through his head when I was talking about her feasting on Anssi, because he likely was thinking about her at that point. It seemed that he was signed up to sing "Macho Man" in front of everyone, so we were going to go sit down by the karaoke, where it was quiet enough to actually talk. I was up for talking, so, I entertained such an offer to attend. After I walked down the staircase, that was only 1/10th as cool as the Sundberg residence staircase, with random drunk people falling all over it, I went through the few zigzags of doors and suddenly ALL the waves of music from the opposite side of the club were gone. It was really odd, but then of course I heard drunk Finnish Karaoke, which, while less painful to the eardrums in terms of volume, was nevertheless painful . We sat down, and everyone was having fun already. Pictures galore, people doing silly things, and one thing that stuck out in my mind was TSF and TS saying "I want a lapdance, who will give me a lapdance!!??". Naturally, the Govner was the prime man for the job, and through a few thrusts it was all over. I wasn't sure how a man was supposed to do a lapdance, but I assume now I know. Despite him not drinking much, he was very natural with just having a good time. This, also made me think, because it wasn't just that I wasn't drinking that prohibited me from letting go, it was actually a real, conscious mental block. Ugh. Anyway, apparently it was my turn to get involved with some silly nature, because at one point I think Tuukka said "Alright, we need to take a good picture, *points at females* now pretend that you are all over Jay and Matt" and of course, with one leap, I suddenly had a girl on top of me and some camera flashes in my face. I think whatever strain of evolution went my way, sort of skipped the ability to cope with flashes. Everytime a camera flashes at me for a picture, my instinct is to close my eyes. This makes it hard to take any good ones of me. Look on facebook if you have a chance, guarantee there will be a few pictures where I'm looking at the camera eyes closed. Getting back to the point, some random pictures were taken, and just when things weren't silly and crazy anymore, dear BlondeFinn decides to Puke ALL over the carpet, indoors, no shame. Ville almost was sprayed in the crossfire, and I knew the oncoming onslaught of whatever food, stomach acid, and alcohol he consumed would soon push on my gag reflexes, so I was out.

Turns out Toni was sitting in the Karaoke room, with perfect style, just like in Footbag soaking up the badassery he could. We started talking about what other than Footbag, and about what Beasts he has hit that were paradox whirl free. Turns out he can do shooting set...Who knew? Toni can actually quite a few interesting concepts, consistently of course, which is cool to know behind the scenes, because usually what he does under pressure is what you've all seen on Video. Soon enough, Jere was separated from his women, and he was somehow beside me at the bar watching karaoke. I guess he was appreciative of my beer offering, because he struck up a conversation, and you could tell he wanted to continue it, because unlike 90% of the human race, he would ask follow up questions. I was a little surprised he wasn't creeped out or something, because when he was more or less done asking him questions about who I was, I started asking him stuff about his life. Keeping in mind he has never seen me before, and I'm sitting here regurgitating the last year of his life and where he's been what video's (non footbag) he's making and his career, and Jere didn't really blink. It is just easy to continue conversation about someone, when you have something to ask, and I didn't think to just...Lie, and ask him about his life with questions I already knew. I guess in the future, I will just play it a little easier on the "I'm a fanboy" side of things. This realization came sometime when he commented it was too loud, and it'd be nice to talk where the music was a bit quieter. So, we went up some stairs halfway, not the Anssi wanna-be stairs, rather some stairs tucked behind the DJ. Midway through what we were talking about, I got the feeling the conversation would begin to get more boring, so before it did I explained that I was going to go up to the previous booth the footbaggers had, and that I'd see him later. His reaction was something that, seemed, fucked, because he looked surprised and it almost seemed as if he had wanted to speak for longer.

This, has never happened in my life.

I was already committed to going upstairs, so I couldn't just randomly back out of my previous statement and talk some more, but I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. Just, I didn't get it. Never before, like, with anyone, have I introduced myself and the person ACTUALLY kept on asking questions, and was genuinely interested. So, I went to the bathroom passing the VIP room, having that security guard stare me down, washed my face, got a nose bleed (I got at least 2 nosebleeds a day while in Finland. That was irritating) and went to see if there was a group of footbaggers anywhere to just hang out with. Turns out, Jere was with this group, and my confidence certainly wouldn't let me deal with the pressure of saying "hello again!" after 2 minutes, so I bailed on that too, and went to "the dance floor". Anssi certainly wasn't in his prime, having not drank any alcohol so he was, startlingly like me on the dance floor. No real arm movement, no pelvic thrusts, just sort of fitting in bobbing around. Still in the noob stages of clubs, I took this as a "Sweet, I can pass time by just bobbing around!"..But there was this, large, wobbling force coming with me.. Drink in hand, palms facing inward, elbows jousting like it was the medieval times...Shirt half on, half off, hips swaying at 30 Hz, and a large deep manly voice. Samu, the second best dancer in all of Finland. Lauri was out of his mind air-raping everyone in site, but Samu was more coherent and took this opportunity to teach me how to dance. He explained, that once upon a time Pekka, taught him the art of dancing.

This calls for a new paragraph.

Pekka, is what you could call Ãœber cool, in the completely americanized form of Ãœber . He has had back injuries for the last 7 years, much longer than half of his freestyle career, and yet all the finns know: If Pekka is playing, shit is going down. Somehow, he's literally one of the best Finnish players, and has been to probably 4 worlds, but no one has seen him play. Video evidence of such a man, can be seen in "Reindeer Games", if you don't believe something like this is true. I mean, fuck, if you still have doubts just look at this picture .
That is what pure testosterone and magic creates, people. Get in line, and hope this man shakes your hand. Not only does he kickass with a footbag, but he is also one of the nations best Table Soccer / Foosball players, who competes on a regular basis. Not ONLY that, but, Finland's second best dancer (male contestants only...), Samu, learned from Pekka. He has all the tricks of the trade, and not only that, he's one classy bastard. I also bring him up, because I didn't see him dance once, even though I went to two bars with him in it, and yet, all the Finn's knew he was the best dancer. What does this god do in his spare time? He even offered, on my last night in Finlandland, to have me stay in his "Pad". I'm such a dumbfuck, I never should have glossed over that offer. Hell, even fucking Juho told me I was a dumbass for not taking up that offer. I should have given him flowers.

So, Matt Bailey and TSF were singing Macho Man, and, ironically, she totally stole the show. Not to throw Matt under the bus too hard, but, well, his performance was, not quite as bold as britishly possible. Nevertheless, he did what I could only dream of, so kudos Govner. The remainder of the night at the club was spent speaking with Toni, Anssi, and pretending to dance. Even the DJ was getting bored, songs from earlier began to repeat, and I think I may have been the only one to notice. At, I'm estimating 3:30 am I gave up and sat beside the dancefloor on some benches, and so did Anssi. Tuukka came every once in a while and requested I take pictures, and I recall getting a really good one of him in his party mode. What a married man. Lauri tried to explain to me, how scattered his brain was from the night a few times, talking about patterns on the floor, and saying "You know what I mean" frequently, and it was hilarious. What a champ. Anssi at one point during the night, by the karaoke said to me how much of a champ he was, and it was no word of a lie. I often forget that he is actually younger than me, because of his crazy footbag skill, and just, adult manners. At one point, there was a group of people about two seats away from me on a couch, and some random girl sat down in the middle of the seat, and we exchanged nods / glances. She began stealing random alcohol that had been standing on the table infront of me for 15 minutes, and at one point spilled half a bottle of smirnoff on herself, which I'm sure she was embarrassed about. I thought it was awesome, so I gave her props, some of the most awkward props I've ever given. I guess in hindsight, giving a girl who just poured someone else's alcohol all over herself props might not be the most socially appropriate response. Whatever

The music then stopped, the white lights dimmed into life while the coloured ones faded, and suddenly the once vibrant, underground smoke filled dance floor now just looked like the after-mess at a party. The really hot, sleek looking girls bumping and grinding then looked to me like lobster slobs, and my view on all these people just having the time of their life changed oddly. Fortunately, I was the only one sober enough to not follow the crowd to the Anssi-wannabe stairs, and took the stairs that Jere and I were in earlier and escaped the herd of parties and got my coat from the main and waited outside the abundance of slot machines. Note: Two places in the world that I have visited have slot machines in grocery stores. 1.) Vegas, 2.) Finland. Like, what the shit? Finland? Slot machines? I never understood the madness. I first saw Anssi emerge from the coat crowd, and second TSF. I asked TSF in my now raspy voice, about something that happened earlier in the evening and she was obviously too drunk to function. Oh the class. AT this point, no one knew whether or not Tuomas was drunk and in a jail, or simply back at the hotel where he was staying because the last anyone saw him, he was passed out on some table. Sexy sexy sexy - --.. We walked home from the town center, past the Grille, and this is where my night ended. I went to sleep in Ville's room, on a foldout couch from the gods, where as people like the Govner and Tuukka stayed up for even more time.

So, the wakeup occured per usual, as Tuukka walking into the room and somehow from his presence, although I never recalled him actually saying anything, I woke up perky as a badger. At this point, I had no food other than the cakes I had to give away, so I was thankful that he parted with a few slices of his finnish SUPER RYE bread, that I plastered with the hotdogs from the day before, and some "Heinz" ketchup, which was right next to the "Felix" ketchup. I thought it'd be too creepy to spread and eat Felix on my bread. I've got to give it up for zee Finns, they handled their hangovers pretty well. At this time, Tuukka answered his phone, and Juho, the little Jupe, was explaining to him that he had to work AGAIN, and he'd still be a little later. Oh god, the humanity. All I wanted for Christmas was for Juho to dance around a room doing blurriests. Some shred videos went on, no more VHS, and we awaited the Hotel crew to show up, for it was going to be the first day of shred. The Govner awoke used, as very early in the morning TSF left his side to attend other matters, and the Jetlag was still gnawing at his soul. Waking up with footbaggers is always so cool, because it assures you that you literally weren't dreaming. Having an event like NYJ happen, is also another reassurance that Worlds DID happen, and that yes, that many cool people can gather in one place and not self destruct. Some breaking news came out of Tuomas' mouth when I talked to him, just after analyzing Anssi's dragon hair, was that it was 100% for sure that Felix was coming today. I asked him a few times, over and over, confirming I didn't misunderstand... Like, the "miracle" Anssi spoke of in the train, was ACTUALLY going to happen. Tuukka must be right, there is a god, and I should stop worrying if these miracles would happen. My heart was at ease, now that both Juho AND Felix would be in attendance. I had been dreaming about going back to Canada, and the first time I went to play with Jorden I would have to say "Yeah, sadly I didn't meet Felix". But now, I can gossip like that 3 year old boy who just got Michael Jorde, crap, Michael Jordan's autograph. Would I speak to him? Or would it be like Ales, where at worlds 2008 I was too scared to talk to him? I was sure that I could at least introduce myself, but I would be left wanting oh so much more. Patience is not something I deal well with. At like, 17:00 we packed up our stuff, and head to the blue room that looked like it had school children in it at one time to play some footbag. Time really does escape when you sleep from 5->1:00 pm, Ha. I was nearly trembling. Like, the beast, TKO, THE ACCELERATOR, and AIR were in a room ready to rock. How would I hold up? Would I hold my own? Certainly I couldn't hang with these kids. Soon enough I found myself in a circle with Toni Tuukka and Samu, and I told myself one thing: Don't Cry like a baby, that would be weird and they wouldn't like it. Dreams were coming true, such a cool circle. It took me a while to warm up, but I think that this was my best circle in Finland, as I distinctly remember hitting one run with furious, nuclear and whirling, and another run with whirlwind bsos. I think I had some ~20 contact runs that were more interesting than bops, so, I really hope I one day see them on video. I don't know if my shred is good enough to have more than my few random tricks in the video, but I do know I want that footage. The way Tuukka captures the video, it wouldn't be hard to pay him for the footage or something, because I'd love to re-live all that tournament. Sadly, when I'm in a circle a different mode comes on, and I don't really remember what happens I suppose. What did that guy hit, what did this guy do, etc, are details that sort of fade away. Odd, considering I remember what Felix takes in his coffee, and other minute details all based around the fact that I worship what people do in a shred circle. Is it appropriate to type "C'est la vie" here?

Mid circle, Felix, Pekka, the Hangover, the Animal and Santeri walked into the room. I remember snapping out of shred mode, and thinking "don't get caught staring at Felix and Pekka". As soon as I got one glance at Felix, to make sure he was real, I continued with the shred. I like to hit a consistent string the first time someone like Penske, or Felix sees me play, so that if nothing else it doesn't look like I'm a one hit wonder. However, because I'm a tool, I dropped a shaft like three contacts into a string as he first walked by me, looking. I now realize why I dropped the ss symp double down, because I was busy drooling thinking about the fact that Felix was watching me shred, but, yeah. Ugh. As he walked back behind the doors, out of sight, I had to catch my breathe again. Like, sure, Jere is a smooth criminal, but felix was IN Smooth Criminals. I wont go into it here, but that video has such a profound impact in what I see as footbag freestyle as, in its most perfect form. Eventually Samu ran out of gas, and Matt Bailey joined the circle, and I don't think I played well there after. More just trying to hit bigger tricks, and stupid stuff I can't hit. Also, after enough symposium and harder spinning moves, for some reason my right ankle needed a break, so I generally started fooling around. Matt picked up his game since worlds, which was cool, and I learned that Toni never mastered outside stalls. At this point, Felix was playing the finnish version of "horse" against Aleksi and others, and had no trouble winning it. I peeked when I could, but again, didn't want to look like I was staring too much, and failed miserably. Just, such great style. I never thought someone would have as astonishing a style as Johnny Suderman, but holy fuck, Felix was born in rose petals. The instant I saw him try, and successfully seal triple whirl first try, I knew I could learn to fly. Anything is fucking possible if you look like Felix, and I think the girls on youtube agree. Something about the way he dexes is just unreal.

At one point however, bliss had to end, and I saw Felix do one single shoeless run. Pixie drifter->stepping, a few double dexes and a fairy eggbeater later, the deal was sealed. My god that man has nice crank. The agenda this evening was not to party, due to the will to shred the next day and still recuperate from the night before, but I was already doing my happy dance, no questions asked. I just saw Felix play footbag, and now I got to give him a god damned cake.

When he received the cake, some finnish words were spoken, and Ville told me "He doesn't believe you just gave him a cake, for himself", and after I confirmed, he said thanks. Much like with Jere in the stairwell, I panicked and left the room slowly. I was told later, he thought I was creepy. Sick. not exactly what I was going for, but I'll take it. This was also the time I first saw an opportunity to introduce myself to the Hangover, so, I did so. I guess it sounds odd to people when you only know their nickname, and use it naturally. I first learned this when I only called Ken Somolinos "C-fan" for about a 30 minute car ride in worlds 07. People were either going to the grille, or ordering Pizza from Ali Baba, and I learned quickly in my venture that Ville knows his shit with food. Looking at his patterns throughout the weekend, he makes deliberate choices and takes the good deal when ordering, so I made it a point to get what he got for the rest of the weekend. Ville ordered Pizza with shrimp on it, I ordered 6 euro pizza with shrimp on it. I like how in Finland, you order a pizza all to yourself, and are able to gorge on it like a primate. Everyone was busy with the Sauna in the meantime, and although I was comfortable in a Sauna with footbag idols, more than 4 people all squished together didn't sound like my cup of tea. I waited for the pizza instead, satisfying the cavernous cave that was now my stomach, folded it like a panzerotti and went to town. Once finished, I went to the Sauna, to find no one in there. This didn't really bother me, and not knowing Sauna etiquette, I wasn't aware that this is really odd behavior, and that I should have waited for more people. About 10 minutes later, but Bailey shows up and we have a chat. It is weird in footbag, for me at least, how comfortable you get after the first session with another person. Like, before I play with someone at a tournament, I never really feel like I'm past small talk with them, and despite being great internet friends with these people, there is still the "new" feeling to meeting a stranger for a little while. So, after having shredded with the Govner, it was nice to more open up and just "shoot the shit". It was also nice to feel more comfortable with anyone else but Anssi, since, he was exploring other avenues of speech and communication with the long lost footbaggers he sees but once every few months. oh Tuukka.

At this time, all the cool kids were busy playing what looked like Poker, and then the people like me were on the couch watching shred. Wanting a good sleep for the following day of shred, I hit they hay as Anssi would say, an went to go dream about Jupe. Rhyme.

[Johnny]

Good read, really. I guess I'll talk to you... later today!

[Asmus]

This is such a good read and makes me want to write all kinds of random comments. So that's what I gonna do.

"Canadia, we call little round pieces of bread "English Muffins" as seen here. . But, then, what do they call muffins?"
I have also thought this kinda stuff was interesting, how stuff named after different areas differ. For example Danish Pastry is called "Wienerbrød" in Denmark, which basicly means bread from Vienna.

"This, has never happened in my life."
You are so honest and cute (bromance). Makes for a great read.

I have been to the VIP room at two different clubs. And nothing interesting was happening in neither of those. I was kinda bummed out about that. Where was the guns? The strippers? The coke? The secret deals?

"Pronounced "KAY-Bob", because Anssi said so."
That most be the finnish pronouncation, cause my Arabic friends don't say it like that at all.

"I then witnessed Tuomas publicly pissing on the side of a wall.
Finland +2 "
Is that not normal in Canada at all? Everybody does that in Denmark. I think I do it twice a week. I've seen girls doing it a hundred times.

"Toni can actually quite a few interesting concepts, consistently of course, which is cool to know behind the scenes, because usually what he does under pressure is what you've all seen on Video."
This made me curious. I really like Tonis game but I also find it kinda boring. What other more original elements can he do?

"Pekka, is what you could call Ãœber cool, in the completely americanized form of Ãœber ."
He definitely is. My first memory of Pekka was in Vienna when me and Charles from Paris drank Finnish alcohol with him six in the morning, when everybody else was sleeping at the Gym.
Me, and some of the danish guys even had a deal with him about having a secret session somewhere in Berlin this summer, and filming it. Unfortunately it never happened.

"She began stealing random alcohol that had been standing on the table infront of me for 15 minutes, and at one point spilled half a bottle of smirnoff on herself, which I'm sure she was embarrassed about."
At Roskilde Festival 2 years ago Mads Hole brought along with him 7 different wigs. At some point he lost a long haired black one and one day when we where eating a meal this insanely drunk older woman started eating leftovers right next to us, wearing Mads' wig. That was hillarious. I think we got the wig back, maybe from buying her some food.

Looking forward to the next part(s).

[jay7]

I bring you with great pleasure, January Second.

Per usual, dear Tuukka wakes me up, as well as Ville with his presence alone. If you entered an elevator, could you cut the pressure he exerts with a knife? I'm not sure. In a few minutes I washed my face, brushed a tooth, and scratched my hair under a faucet (Finland has tiny sinks, by the way. I'm glad no one walked in on me keeled over the sink going rampant with my entire head in a sink. I feel this is a more efficient way than taking an entire shower, because drying off is takes only a second, and the re-dressing part is always a bother with wet feet. To what  noise do I come out of the shower to? Felix's alarm, on his phone. Some techno song with some female, making, some noise? Whatever noise she was making, I'm sure she was having a good time doing it. The proper response to hearing this alarm, for Felix, was to hold his phone in his hand, put it in the air, close eyes, and pretend to scream/whatever noise like the girl. It was vibrant. If he gets up every morning like that, I'd like to think with the two girls on either side, and re-creates that scene I'd give him an airplane.

Breakfast ensued, nothing different than the day previous, with the exception of some weird fluid. So, keeping in mind Finnish is not like French, which is then not like spanish or italian, and finnish is not like German, which is then not like Swedish, and it is not like Czech, which then means it isn't like Ukranian or Polish at all, I see a carton come out of the fridge and assume it was milk, by the shape alone. I know the rough meaning of milk in all the above languages, so I couldn't read the carton in hand. I also expect this carton to pour, as it assumedly had milk in it, like milk...But, when opened, yogurt spilled out. I immediately thought "HOW OLD is this milk?!@?", and was a little turned off. So yeah, you buy yogurt in cartons in Finland. Most everyone was up, and Felix was stitching at the kitchen table, and everyone just sort of gathered (hehe,) around while he did that, enjoying the morning filled with sun. Note, the night before, Ville had said, in the lull of a conversation, looking very solemn, "I haven't seen the sun in two weeks". So, seeing the sunrise was quite entertaining for them I suppose. Anyway, when Matt made his presence known, Felix used a line which I could only dream of pulling off. "Hey Matt, could you go get me a coffee? It's a good deal, because you can get yourself one too". Another Felix line, along the same idea was when we got water at Ali Baba, he poured Matt (and everyone else) a glass and said "This one's on me". And I believe Ville said afterward "So now you owe him a drink next time we go to the club". In writing, it doesn't seem that humourous, or godly in anyway, but I assure you it was in good fun and funny.

So, after Matt got him his coffee, appropriately in a heart mug, Felix realized that he was missing a brown hexagon, slightly crucial to finishing the bag. Ville, coming to the rescue, brought him an old bag, 3 times bigger, and just cut it open to salvage the Felix bag. Noting that the new hexagon was 3 times too big, Felix manned up and used it anyhow. It was also blue, which made it completely awesome. Felix said that he thinks he's made at least 750->1000 bags (12 panels->32 panels) in his life, and has at least 250 of his bags randomly. Like, just when you think Matt Cross and Hania are gods, Felix shows up and pillages them both, having not stitched for years. Today was to be an inspirational day for me, in terms of competition and shred, plus the bathing suite surprise Tuukka had in store for me and the Govner, so we had to leave to the shred spot pretty early. Since it was a driving distance away, the first car crew was to be Govner, Ville, Me, Tuukka I believe. I guess there was some spare space in Finland after the second world war, where bomb shelters had no point anymore. So, they were then converted into Sport Halls and whatnot, so, this was our destination which you can see in ALL the NYJ videos, since ever.

Per usual, not much interesting happens when shred is occuring in terms of a blog writeup...So, most of this day I'll gloss over. I took my merry time to warm up, since most people weren't even at the site yet, and my legs were weak. My ankle was doing ok, but I still didn't like doing hard spins on it, and I wasn't even going to think about flails or superflies on that side. Luckily, since worlds I haven't done ANY superflies, and for some reason my one side feels really strong, which before, although I could do them, it didn't have that "Mmm-chika-haa" (the noise from Ferris Bueller's Day Off) noise in my head, everytime I hit it. Now, however, it feels like that. Some more people came, and because I realllly wasn't feeling it, I kept to myself in the corner, facing the wall, doing more warmup. I was then asked, by Tuukka, "Ok Jay, so, who do you want to be in circle competition against?" and almost before the words left his mouth, I think the breathe I was holding in my body said "FEHLIX". When they were discussing circle competition, I was really afraid that since I would inevitably get knocked out in the first round, that I wouldn't be paired up against Anssi or something, whose game I knew inside and out. At least a Toni, Felix, or Aleksi would have been badass, because I could for the rest of my life say "I got pwned by ____", versus "Yeah, Anssi raped my future children, while hitting montage->triage in variety round". I guess either would be good, now thinking in hindsight.

I had been thinking about who would be best to go back to Canada, and say "I played with ___", and the answer was of course baby Zenger. So, I got signed up to play against him, and Kim Berg. I didn't know Kim's game, but he looked super clean, and was hitting big tricks when I saw him the day before. For Kim, it seems effortless to do barrage, and paradox blenders, and other quirky tricks that I more or less fight through.

Yesterday I was speaking to my friend about this, and I’d like to steal what I said then, in terms of what happened next. Imagine you are my friend who just started playing, and doesn’t know much about footbag.

“There is this guy in Finland, who you probably haven’t heard me talk about. His BAP name is actually The Beast. I’ll give you a picture of what he is like though. His teeth are straight, he routinely wears a collared shirt, tucked in of course, and has a haircut firm enough to impress a sergeant. Posture is as straight as a board, an his occupation is a software engineer. However, once this man gets a footbag, he is appropriately named “The Beastâ€

[Tuukka]

Great, great write-up so far Jay

You didn't say anything about request contest, maybe you forgot and decided to forget it, heh.

Cool to hear that you enjoyed your stay. We should have taken some group pictures for sure, but it is easy to say now when it's too late already.

Keep on kicking and see you hopefully at Worlds next summer.

[Eric Chang]

I don’t think there is any worry of a female reading this far into a foot-blog-post, so I’ll just go ahead and say it. If you thought you knew what Shrinkage was, imagine swimming in freezing water, -25 ambient temperature, and then going naked into a shower room with a group of guys that you’ve spent the last week with. Now re-evaluate what you thought shrinkage was.

And then add a decimal point behind whatever figure was in your head.

Luckily, you don’t think of such things, and inbetween me squealing a little,

Jay you never seem to make me not laugh no really I was tired and shit waiting to go to class. Then I read this and its like "Ohhhh that's our Jay"

Is it Feb yet?

[Drew]

Wow. Amazing write up, felt like I was there.

Now I'd like to become royalty in Finlandland. An extremely entertaining read!

[jay7]

Thank you dear Modified friends. I’m glad to hear that others enjoy to read these as well. This post isn't that great, nothing funny or entertaining, but I still want it logged for my future reference.

January 3rd, 2010.

So Juho, Pekka and I went to walk into the downtown market place, covered in snow and the main sign atop the bank displayed “-25â€

[g00d33]

Thanks for that whole write-up. I was always excited when a new part was up. It definitely didn't feel like 36 pages.

Thanks!

[jay7]

I think I may have just come close to an invention.

Flailing delusional ss mirage, footed.

->

I'll nab the high speed camera next time I play. I KNOW the delusion wasn't deep, but how toe-y it was is another question.

Either way, I hit a bunch of new stuff today.

Uptime backside bedwetter, bs. So, I do it, and then wait for the toe stall (not much of a set, maybe 6 inches, but hey.. ) Ultimately I want stepping flailing illusion.
Gyro whirl->blender->blender->gyro whirl->blender->gyro whirl->gyro whirl->blender.
Flailing double switch bs. Again, I can't really tell where the double switch is, in terms of toe/ankle/whatever. Need highspeed...
Flailing atomic stallberger, by accident. It was supposed to be butterfly, no dice.

I was supposed to do my training program, but I screwed up my knee a little with Jorden. I was doing enterrages, rather, once per side, and it somehow hurts to do double around the world / pixies, double downs and ripwalk b2b. I didn't play yesterday because it hurt too, but today I just felt too much like playing after speaking with Tuukka, so I decided to screw around. I don't understand how flailing shit doesn't hurt, and pixie legover does. Grunt.

I can't wait for tomorrow's session.

[Zac Miley]

Wonderful highlights Jay. I want to play with you again soon.

[mc]

four dexes?!? flailing op delusional ss mirage?!?! wtf!!! uptime backside bedwetter?!? can't wait to see these!! you are awesome!

[jay7]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8DoZj_qHpE[/youtube]

So yeah, large failure video. Yesterday the set in question felt about the same, but as I said, I got a clear enough path after the third "dex" to go for a mirage. Today I had done my 1.5 hour training program beforehand already, which felt like a large, basin of melted butter, and I wasn't willing to spend more than 5 or 10 minutes on random crap like this. Luckily, almost as soon as I turned on the camera, that guy walked up. I think that re-defines the word "surprising".

I had spoken to Ales earlier today about chainsaws, so here are my first attempts ever, for you to witness on film. Most of my flails weren't 100% the, and a couple on other video that wasn't uploaded were suuuuper clean, but the cleaner the flail was the less likely the legover was. I'm sure I'll get it soon enough. One step closer to another dream move !

Part of my training program just says "10 whirr's both sides". Today I finally got my first whirr drill, ducking clipper->Whirr*rpt. Progress, my friends. However, my one side whirr, which I hit 6/10 times last week, is now my flip, because my former-flip now feels powerful, and I'm proud of how far it's come.

I'm posting too much in this blog. Do forgive me, modified lords.

*edit*
http://img397.imageshack.us/img397/4373 ... opy6hg.jpg
Oh wow, need to use this next post.

[boyle]

I liked the "oh buttercup" at the end of the video.

I really enjoyed your Finland write up, it really was almost like being there. It would be great if there were more active blogs in this section, there are always things happening in the footbag world, but not so much talk about it.

There is a competition somewhere almost every week of the year, someone might do a demo for some schoolkids or meet a random guy who used to play back in 96, but choose to keep it to themselves and not share it with the rest of the footbag world.

So thanks for sharing your experiences, it's been a great read.

[ville]

Thanks for the writeup Jay, was an interesting read!

[qphox]

Following his directions, and speaking to a very cute Finnish Girl...

ahaha! Oh man, I KNOW right?!

I was tempted to offer to buy the bus-girl Kebab or something, but you the reader, and I both know I don't have the confidence to do something like that. No hug, no anything really, just an honest thank you and weary, desperate thoughts behind my eyes as I departed from the bus toward the rounded entrance of the Turku bus station.

Nooooooooooo!!! Come on man, you're in FINLAND. What possible negative consequence could there have been? Anyway, I laughed at the "you the reader" part. I kinda knew that, but I was super shy at one point too. Still am sometimes, but being in a different city definitely makes it easier to talk to girls.

...Kebab...

I KNOW RIGHT.

Through some random logic, I believe a club we could go to can be called MoFo's, even though it's name has something to do with monday and friday in Finnish, and then take monday and friday in English, add some o's, and voila...Mofo's. I can't say I truly understood the logic.

Friday = Perjantai. ?

One by one, Anssi's friends would offer to buy me a drink, or just hand me one, or whatever. At times, I would say "ok, I'll buy you one" and go to the bar, and just as I was about to pay another friend would buy it off me.

Yeah, same thing with me in Helsinki man. I think we left to go back to Espoo at like...5? And I'd spent like 4 bucks. Go Finland.

AS the last full day in Turku, we had to seal the deal with some Kebab. We went to Ali Baba of Turku, and got what is the best Kebab in the entire world, with Fanta.

I *think* I know the one that you're talking about, and hell yes.


This was cool to read, considering we likely experienced some of the same things (minus the weather). Thanks for the write-up.


Also, you're the shit. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise.